The week that was (and frankly, can fu*k right off!!)

 Its been a trying week at chez Sprinks, i always like to keep this blog like space purely 'gamey' (gamey bits below i promise), but its my space so i will be venting for a bit before i update the ol' campaign (your good folks, i know you can ignore my moaning!).
 This week has been one of those that you just wish had buggered off before it began!, It started with not only the tumble dryer giving up the ghost and a random piece falling off the downstairs sink. I know what your thinking, 'But Sprinks, thats all deal-withable', and you would be right. But that was just the start!. I have been working 'out of area' this week and therefore have been inundated with re-wires of decades old Bristolian wiring that is a kind of overtly dangerous spaghetti the likes of which you do not want to put your hands in because some of it is going to be live in the worst possible way!.

My first job on monday morning.....possibly.

This has meant early starts and late finishes each day just to get through the leathal linguini!!.....but thats still not the worst of it, oh no. The Dog has decided that just being happy, bouncy and generally a bit dopey was not enough, she decided that a nice deep cut on her leg would top things off nicely (thanks to a piece of broken sharp ridged plastic some utter FU*KKNUCKLE threw into the garden, no really whoever you are you are a total bellend of epic proportions!), the result, a cut that even though treated will just not heal and has been so far had stitches and then staples in it but still not closed up!.

 Millie the Wronghammer dog models the cone of shame!.

I know, still not so bad, it can be coped with.....but then.....

Sprinkling 2:son of Sprinks sleeping it off.

 The above is the result of the great monkey bars incident of 2018, Sprinkling 2:son of Sprinks managed to break both his arms falling backwards from said bars, 5 breaks over the two arms, several wires and 3 hours of surgery later hes back at home but with casts on both arms he can do nothing for himself and is reduced to relying on myself and the amazing Mrs Sprinks to be his arms for at least the next 4 weeks!. So yep, this week can go get fu*ked!.

.......On a lighter note.....

There has been developments!!!!!!!.

- The Crivenshire 4th after their victory at Both Ways have been ordered to push on while leaving a guard on the bridges to press and engage the retreating Fossestershire 2nd and cause enough trouble over the Fossestershire border to draw off the reserves of the lurking Fossestershire 4th.

-The forces of Lamavic are bored. Armies are massing ready to pick a target for random yet focused violence!.

-The forces of Offenhammeshire are massing on the Crivenshire border but holding position, the 2nd army however are readying themselves on the Fossestershire border close to the warring forces from both ways.

-Burkenshire have Raised their forces in response to the battles close to their border and the massing Lamavic armies.

-Off the Burkenshire coast a small group of ships look to make it to port unnoticed.....

 Next time hopefully their will be less drama and more gaming, i hope to have The battle of Privies Pile played and ready to go!.

......'till next time......

The battle of Both Ways

Yep that's right, just when you thought it may have been safe to loaf around on the old internettibobs i'm back with the next battle in:

     With the Battle of Habituals Ridge done and dusted and a thorough kicking been dished out to the forces of Crivenshire i am going to zoom in on another area of the campaign, this time the north west.

You will notice the Fossestershire 2nd and the Crivenshire 4th are having a bit of relational difficulties in the area, the Crivenshire 4th have been sent to head off the Fossestershire force so the rest of the Crivenshire forces can deal with the 'big push' from the northerners in the east. This has lead to the leader of the Fossestershire 2nd, one sir Phyice has ordered an advanced force to push on and capture the way point of Both Ways inside the clearing in Phlippinooge forest, the only crossing point over the fierce Splishy river that cuts the provinces in half. The tactical importance of the crossings has not been lost on either side and the commander of the Fossestershire 4th, sir Leon-Seat has ordered local forces to hold them at all costs. The advanced force from the north are advancing into a trap!. 
     The area in question looks like this:

 (Picture taken from 'Olde Albilande in pictures (14th edition)' produced as ever to raise funds for the Albilande conservation collective (cake making and casual violence department).

(Click to make it all big)

  I played out the battle as a test for my 'massively stupid scale battle rules' im (STILL BLOODY!) working on to try them on a smaller sized battle. I also implemented the following rules:

-To win a force had to either make the opposing side flee the field or have an unit of troops within 20cm of the bridges and no enemy troops within the same distance of either bridge at the end of the 5th turn.

-Phlippenooge forest is governed by the autonomous Nymph collective trust (ANCT) and therefore has no interest in the wars of silly childish humans. The North/South roads are in use as a courtesy to the King (deceased) and are governed by a strict one way system and collection of permits and passes required to use them. Constant patrols of the Forest behavior and actions control officers (FBACO) are in place to make sure the rules are followed by all travelers in the forest grounds. Failure to follow the rules are punishable by death. Oh and the average FBACO operative is typically an 9 foot tall angry Dryad.

 At the start of each turn i will roll 1d6. On the roll of a 5+ a patrol from the FBACO will arrive from a random area of tree life and proceed to approach the closest unit to check their paperwork (no troopers have any sort of paperwork for the battle!). on a D6 roll of 1-2 the unit will be able to use excuses such as 'its in me other jerkin' or 'damn i left it on the cart' and so forth to placate the patrol, on a 3+ the patrol will offer swift justice by attacking!. Once in play the patrol will continue to approach units in this way until destroyed. Only one patrol will be in play at any one time.

So...to the scuffleage!.....

   The action begins as the advanced forces of Fossestershire clippity-clop, romp, march and otherwise traverse the South road into the clearing containing the Bridges.

(The Fossestershire force of: A unit of heavy cav lead by Sir Planted, A unit of light horse, two trailing units of heavy foot, one lead by Sgt Pullitt-backke, and a unit of crossbowmen. As ever my thanks goes to the tireless work of the Wronghammer plastic reenactment society for their fantastic pictures illustrating the battle).

However awaiting them on the other side of the river were the quickly assembled forces of Sir Bilgington-Bile and his local troopers:

(The Crivenshire forces of: (From closest to furthest) A unit of serf bowmen, A unit of Crivenshire patented pike, Sir Bilgington-Bile and his brave footte Knightes.....

.....A unit of bows and a cannon!).

The battle begins with the Footee Knightes of Sir Bilgington-Bile and the Patented Pike taking a bridge each as the Fossestershire forces attempted to advance to close the distance:

While the forces moved forward the combined fire of the archers:

And the cannon:

Combined to destroy the Fossestershire light horse!

                                             (the former light horse have a nice lay down)

At the first sight of the enemy Sir Planted orders his hev horse to charge the pike on the bridge!

While seeing his commanding officers bravery Sgt Pullitt-backke orders his unit of foot(e) to do the same on the other bridge.

            (Sir Bilgington-Bile crosses great swords and choice words with Sgt Pullitt-backke)

Meanwhile the din of battle attracts some unwanted FBACO attention:

 'Look sarge, it appears there are multiple small types making use of the facilities'.
'Quite so private Phontofearthlypeace,it 'hapears we will need to a'check their paperwork is in the correct 'horder, let us proceed to the closest fleshy type ha'pace'.

'Ello ello, i 'ope you 'ave the required permit for such hordance within the peaceful grounds of the forest?'.

'Eeeerrr, sorry officer, we cant have it on our person due....err.....to....well its smoke damage you see... on account of the cannon, talk to our C.O, ees over there on the bridge, the one surrounded by the severed limbs.....officer.....officAAAHHHHHHHHGGGHHHHH!!!!!'.

'Fine h'application of justice Phontofearthlypeace, let us stroll h'onwards to check the clearance of the rest of these ner'dowells'.

Meanwhile, on the bridges:

The attack of Sgt Pullitt-backkes foot is repelled after taking heavy losses.

While after their charge was stopped Sir Planteds' Hev horse are massacred by the pike!.

Seeing their commander fall the second unit of Fossestershire foot think better of charging the bridge, instead choosing to goad the pike into attacking their defensive formation in open ground!. With the use of various assumptions about the enemies mothers they manage to get the pike to charge them!. Not wanting to expose his fellows flank Sir Bilgington-Bile orders his Foote Knightes off their bridge to engage the beaten foot of Sgt Pullitt-backke:

While this is transpiring:

'Honestly officer, i left it in my other quiver!'

The Crivenshire serfs spy an opportunity for bravery and grab a bridge!:

The charge of the brave Foote Knightes proves too much for the Fossestershire foot and despite the best efforts of Sgt Pullitt-backke his men turn and run!:

Which sparks the mass rout of the Fossestershire force, the Bridges of Both ways belong to Crivenshire........

..........For now at least!.

That was fun, finally after two large scale whoopings Crivenshire have something to crow about!.

'till next time.........