Mentally Terrorforming: When in Lamavic AAR2

 Hello all. It feels like its been ages since my last post, work has been a mess of training and assessments of late so all things hobbyish have slowed to compensate. I am aware i am spinning quite a lot of plates on here at the mo (if you can consider projects as metaphorical plates being spun by a simpleton!). What with the new background and basing, two campaigns underway and a set of rules to finish its all a bit hectic. And i hear something involving a jolly fat housebreaker in red who smells of raindeer poo and some kind of season of good will (mainly involving throwing cash at a high street retailer of your choosing) is on the horizon. But do not fear, these projects will come together before i start anything new (i hope!) and to that end i thought i would get on and play another game in one of the campaigns. So today, for your 'enjoyment' i give you.........

When in Lamavic 2, (more than) a bridge too far!!.......

  'SIT DOON YA SOFT BASTARD, THERES NOO WAYS I'M LETTIN' ANY A YOUZ GO AFTA THEM SODS WITHOOT BACKUP!' bellowed Lord Aralin as he loomed imposingly from his throne in the center of the mead hall, his scowling grizzled face half lit in the flames of the fire pit to his left. Below his dais a great swath of his local lords and Bondsmen were seated, each shouting to be heard above the clamor in the room. 'ARE YOUZ SAYIN' responded Lord Bantoc of the Riverlands as he shoved his chair away and jumped to his feet. 'ARE YOUZ HONESTLY SAYIN', he continued 'THAT WEZ HAVE TA SIT ON OUR FAT ARSES AN LET THEM GET AWAY WI' THIS??!!'. 'AHM SAYIN' responded Lord Aralin trying to keep things polite, 'THAT THEM ARSES THAT ATTACKED THE CAIRN WILL GET WHATS COMIN' DONT YOUZ WORRY, BUT WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE OTHER CLANS TO GET HERE, THEM GUILD WANKERS WILL PAY BHOYS, BUT WE NEED TO DO IT RIGHT!'. Bantoc would not be swayed. 'DO IT RIGHT?' he responded laughing in mock surprise, 'WAS IT RIGHT WHEN THEM BASTARDS TRIED TO TAKE OUR CAIRN LANDS?, WAS IT RIGHT THAT THEY CUT A DEAL WITH THAT TRAITOR CALLAN AN' HIS EXILES TA GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO ATTACK?, AN' IS IT BLOODY RIGHT THAT AS WE SIT AND FEAST THEM GUILD SHITES ARE MARCHIN' IN MAH RIVERLANDS BURNIN AS THEY GO?, AH MEAN, DONT LET ME KEEP YOUZ ALL WHILE MAH BLOOD ARE DYIN' IN THEIR BEDS BHOYS!'. Lord Aralin stormed off the platform with a face like thunder and grabbed Bantoc  roughly by his thick, bull like neck, bringing their faces within an inch of each other. 'THATS OUR RIVERLANDS AN' OUR BLOOD TOO AN WE ALL WILL GIVE WHAT WE MUST TO DEFEND THEM BUT THEM GUILD BASTARDS ARE OOP TA SOMTHIN' MARK MAH WORDS'. With that he shoved Bantoc back down to his chair and put his knuckles on the table between them. He leaned in towards Bantoc and said in a level voice dripping in ice 'Ah knows these guilds, they don' think like us, its all aboot gold wi' them. Theys not here to mine or offer a truce, theys here to take what they can!. Youz forgettin i merc'ed for the bastards years back, they paid well but we had to leave our morals behind wi' them thats no lie. They always have a trick or some scheme, always puttin' a plan into place. Its all a game to them and as sure as mah shite stinks them arses have eyes on are lands. Theys' may only be comin' in drabs but i'm tellin' youz this is just the start. We wait, hold our ground and let the other Clans send there bhoys, then we march and kill us some southern wankers!'. He stared right through Bantoc while he spoke, his eyes boring into the lesser Lord who seemed to shrink before him. Bantoc grabbed his mead horn and threw it against the far wall, hard enough to shatter it. 'SHITE TA THAT!' he bellowed jumping back to his feet.'IF YOUZ WANT TA SIT HERE AN' FLAP YOUZ GUMS BE MAH GUESTS BUT SOME A' CLAN MALARRAC STILL GOT SPINES!!.' He turned and stormed towards the door. 'THE RIVERLANDS ARE BURNIN' he shouted as he left. 'SHAME NONE AH YOUS GOT ANY BALLS TAH SORT IT!'. 'IF YOUZ WALK OOT NOW BANTOC YOUZ KILLIN YOUZ SELF AN' YOUZ BHOYS' bellowed Alarin after him. 'THEY WANT YOUZ TO ATTACK THEM, THEY KNOWZ YOU ARE COMMIN SIT DOON MAN!!'. It was no good, above the Lords voice the halls heavy oak door slammed shut...........

Meanwhile, in the riverlands......
   Captain Allac fought to regain his breath as he crested the snow crusted ridge. What he had left was sucked from his lungs at the unspoiled splendor of the view. Fifty feet below stretching to the Distant Frostfangs was a lush snow dusted valley. A crystal clear river wound its way along the valleys floor, the spring sun glistening off its rushing waters. Two large wooden bridges crossed the torrent as well as a natural fjord caused by what he guessed was a rockfall. Bird song broke the silence of the moment as the wined tugged at his cloak as he tried to wrap it further round his shoulders. Along the river bank he could see the shapes of the local scouts sneaking forward making sure the column could move unmolested. The moment was broken by a filthy claw like hand roughly gripping his shoulder. 'Aaaahhhh thee winding snowferrit, the river of rivers. its said it was carved from the very rock by a giant badger fjaphophphph  in the month of the coming snows, the say he was pulled by six one legged blue giants drunk on mushroom wine given to them by the gods themselves'. Allac turned towards the source of the bollocks. 'Fannah, i accept you have local knowledge to share but as i said before please address it to sargent Sedge, i cant be bothered with your local superstitions'. The shaman looked confused and then hurt. He ran his hand through his bloodstained hair, loosening some of the dried bones he had crudely tied there. 'Then you wont hear about the saga of one eyed Javvin the Giant slayer then' replied Fannah folding his arms across his chest, 'he killed a tribe of Giants in this very valley with a small wooden spoon and a sharpened parsnip , proper hero he was, not like you heathens with your strategy and boom powder....bunch of jessies'.  Allac held back a snigger 'you locals are so......quaint, if you are referring to the study of the tactics of battle and the use of gunpowder you may also wish to note the fact that the Guilds are bankrolling this project through gold gained by the use of those very things'. 'And where are the gods in all this, you ignore the Majestic Colin the Great Ferret,patron of uneven table legs and the Cosmic Ice Fox Bajajaaaa, lord of the sniffles you get for weeks after a mild head cold. You forsake the Gods dammit for your own gain!!. If it were up to me you could shove ya gold up ya arses till ya choke from the inside!'. Allac folded his arms and fixed his gaze on the scene before him, he saw no point in continuing the silly argument. 'So these are the river crossings?'. He said. 'Aye', replied Fannah, 'Take those and the full force can walk right into the heart of the Mallaric lands'. 'Good' said Allac to no one in particular, then he turned to give an order to the troops behind. As he did he heard a great roar go up from the valley below. From the eastern side a horde of troops rampaged into the clearing and formed a battle line. Fannah peered forward using his hand to shield his eyes from the sun so he could make out the forces banners. 'Bantoc you stupid bastard' he exclaimed, 'looks like you got their attention Allac.....You godless whore'. 'Thats Captain Allac the godless whore' Allac replied. 'To arms men, take the crossings.....AND BRING UP GIRTY'. With a cheer the line of troopers behind him marched down to the valley, drowned out bu the clanking of the Guild of engineers latest weapon........

THE BATTLE
  The game was played using my own 'Blood,Guts and Severed Heads' rules which you can read by clicking on the title in this sentence. The game is set in the valley in the Mallaric River lands where the three main crossing points (two bridges and a fjord) are situated. The objective of both sides is to take and hold as many of the crossing points they can until the end of the game (they are considered held if your troops are on them and no enemy are within 10cm). At the end of the 5th turn the force with the most crossing points wins. The river is impassable.

THE FORCES

BONDSMAN BANTOCS' MIFFED MARAUDERS

Lord Bantoc: Heavy cavalry hero, 6 wounds, 7 attacks, Grizzled.

Bloody Nige the Beserker Priest: Infantry hero, 6 wounds, 6 attacks, Grizzled, Frenzied Madman.
2 units of 10 Clansmen: Heavy Infantry.
2 units of 8 Beserkers: Light Infantry, Grizzled, Frenzied Madmen.
2 units of 6 Clan Horse: Light Cavalry, Brave.
2 units of 7 Clan crossbowmen: Light Infantry, Heavy Missiles.
1 unit of 6 Huntsmen: Light Infantry, Light missiles, Scouts.

The force is on blue bases with black trim and is made of minis by Hat, Red box and Strelets.

CAPTAIN ALLACS RAIDING PARTY OF RAIDERS......RAIDING.

Captain Allac and his personal page percy: Heavy Infantry Hero, 6 wounds, 8 attacks, Elite, Brave.
2 units of 9 Guild Pikemen: Heavy Infantry, Long reach.
2 units of 6 Shott: Light Infantry, Heavy Missiles.
Girty The steam tank: Monster, Heavy Foot, 10 Wounds, 6 Attacks, Heavy Missiles, Really Big, Brave.
This force is on red bases with yellow trim and is made up of minis by Red Box and Iron Clad.

AND THEIR ALLIES, MAD FANNAHS FILTHY FOLK OF FURY.

Mad Fannah: Hero, Light Infantry, 6 Wounds, 5 Attacks, Grizzled, Wizard.
(Spells:'Ye will eat my ruddy great ball of flaming death you ungodly cads!'
             'Run, run to the hills ye wearers of frilly girls underwear!.'
             'I will not suffer you to move you fearful sons of a flatulent donkey!')
2 units of 12 Outlanders: Light Infantry
They are on white bases with blue trim and are made by Revell and Hat.

THE BATTLEFIELD

Oooooh look, a river, bridges, even a bloody fjord!!!.

SET UP

The Lamavic right, Clansmen and huntsmen face the fjord while the Beserkers ready to cause merry hell on the central bridge!.

On the left the Crossbows ready their weapons as the horse face the bridge.

The hordes of Outlanders are on the Guild left. 

 Pike and Shott in the center ready to ruin the beserker types day.

The Guild right overloaded and a half!!.

TO GLORY AND DEATH (and the odd skinned knee!).

  Before a start i would like to explain that some of the photos in this post are truly awful, really, really, REALLY bad!. I would like it to be known i am ashamed!.

The battle begins with a flurry of missiles from both sides as the troops move out, causing some damage but all the targets hold it together in the face of such hostility. 

The Lamavic forces take the central bridge and the fjord.

On the other bridge things heat up!.

The Outlanders swarm the Fjord while the Clansmen hold on.

The Beserkers cant control themselves and slam into the pike, chasing them off!!.

 The Steam tank spies a target.....Lord Bantoc himself!, she lowers her cannon and lands a glancing blow!.........Surely the brave and unshakable Bondsman of Clan Mallaric would never run in the face of such opposition, he would gurd his loins, raise his lance and......... 

.........oh, never mind!.

 Bloody Nige shows his contempt for the Guild Muskets.

Then to prove his point he charges into them sending them packing!

Clansmen pile onto the bridge the Beserkers forgot to hold in their eagerness to kill people.

 Who would win in a fight between some Mentalists and a Steamtank??.....

The beserkers make like safari park chimps and swarm the tank pulling off shiny bits and hitting anything that takes their fancy!.

Captain Allac (and Percy) storm the bridge, chasing off the Clan horse in the process!!!!!

Look Percy, a bridge!.

A unit of Outlanders break off from the fjord to attack the Beserkers.......it goes badly for them.

The Outlanders finally take the Fjord, the Huntsmen attempt in vein to take it back.

The crossings at the end of the battle:

 The left bridge is held by the Guild pike after it was claimed by Sargent Allac.

 The Clansmen hang on to the central bridge.

The Outlanders chase off the Huntsmen to secure the Fjord for the Guild forces.

So with the Guilds holding two crossings it is victory for them and the way into the Clan lands lies wide open.......

 That was fun!. I had to do a report using my own rules (not that i went into detail about mechanics). And its nice to advance the story towards its conclusion, i think an invasion is imminent!. Hopefully i will be able to get some more posts done before christmas gets up a head of steam. Fingers crossed.

.....anyway, till next time......

Mentally (re)Terraforming (like a bad ass?)

 As both my regular readers will know i have been working to create my own fantasy setting to add context to the games i play on these very pages (and because its fun, and because my brain is more than a bit wrong, and because i seem to enjoy stupid self inflicted workloads.....grrrr). I have been building this in a steady fashion over the last few months but this was not good enough for my often M.I.A brain, oh no!, it came up with new ideas, new material AND A NEW BLOODY BASING SYSTEM AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!. Ehm, sorry, anyway, what follows is the first step into the unknown new material i will soon compile to set out this place off of my battered imagination (sorry in advance!!). I give you......(sarcastic drum roll).......MENTALLY TERRORFORMING 1.5(ish) THE INTRODUCTION!!!!!!!.

 The following is taken from the newly recovered work 'Dextaria-ferma, a study of the many nations of the world and the peoples therein' by the esteemed scribe Thelidimus Allaright Dextaria, head scholar to the crown of Verland in the year 1017. The materials are directly translated from the only remaining copy of this seminal work found in the ruined libraries of Silvermarc after its liberation by the glorious Guilds (may they rule forever) in 1069 and is included to highlight  the unenlightened time before the second age of strife just 4 years after its publication in the year 1021. These works of the esteemed scribe Dextaria when combined with his other body of works (including 'Religions, beliefs and unbalance in the savage east', 'Living under the cloud of darkness, a study into the ales of Lamavic'  and 'Natures bounty, cookery for the anthropologist on a budget') form a picture of the world before the uprising of the Cult of the new Dawn and the alleged second coming of the God King of the south and the subsequent hard fought freedom of the world by the heroic sacrifice of the magnificent Guilds (may they rule forever), for which we are forever thankful. As a student of history these works demand attention not just as one of the few remaining windows into the time directly before arguably the most important events in modern history but as a body compiled directly by an author not yet sanctioned by the Guild of Etymologists (may their learned wisdom live in our hearts forever) and therefore gives an unlikely but invaluable insight into the processes, attitudes and opinions of the less refined scholars of the age.
    The work presented here is incomplete as not all the sections survive intact, it is through pure necessity that the material has had to be abridged by myself. I have endeavored to include all social and military information at hand as such are the most common interests of the modern student of this period. Although some of the materials are missing due to being lost to time some sections of a more sensitive nature have been excluded deliberately, particularly the long and in this scribes opinion needlessly graphic sections on copulation rituals of both the tribes of the Red Waters of the Ramalech region and the Hag Queens of Ashka and their degenerate followers. Such material caused much distress to the younger scholars here at the grey tower and the night disturbances and loss of concentration they suffered will not be suffered to be afflicted upon the learned reader. It must be noted however that the sections in question are in the posession of the high record keepers who's detailed study into these sections will ultimately determine if they are to be translated at a later date.
  It should also be noted that Dextarias old Verlandish tongue is that of the region of Almanik, therefore some issues have been encountered in translating its bastardised form. Where several words could be direct translations for one in the original text i have endeavoured to include the word that makes the most sense in the context of the passage. Where this occurs the other words that could be used will be included in brackets next to said word. An example of this is the Almanikish word vil a derivative of the old Verlandish word ville. This directly translates as in in our more sophisticated tongue and within the text we have used it as such, however it could also mean tangerine, look (as an expression of surprise) or as its close cousin Vill, a personage of questionable intellect. 
  The final item of note when reading this document is that your scribe has added his own notes and interjections where it is felt to be prudent. Such sections are presented in italics.
  Although Dextaria is a native of the long since fallen false state of Verland (modern day New Verland), his words help build a picture, however confused by his own freedom of thought, of a world unaware for the most part of the danger it faced and help all peoples of these free lands to understand the folly of a segregated society and the necessity of the existence of the majestic Guilds (may they rule forever) that guide our own understanding of the world. It is my humble hope that this work will help further the understanding of the period it covers and prove to be an invaluable aid in educating the masses in the danger of a fractured collective social consciousness and the terrors such thinking allowed to thrive.

  -The most enlightened Mollucs Entrades, forth record keeper to the Guild of Chronologists (may they keep the truth justly), 1431.

  Yay you made it all the way through!. As you can see the style will be a little different this time around as it will be Scribe Entrades that will be writing the material based on an old copy of an anthropological study into the period in my head (go imaginary outsourcing!!!). I will be replacing the material on the 'Terraforming...Mentally' page with the new material written from here on i will however keep the old blog posts relating to said materials as i'm too plain lazy and cant be arsed to remove them!.
......so thats about it for now....till next time.....

Oooooohhhhh bugger!!!!

 My brain, my silly, silly, silly soggy, messed up, backwards, useless brain!!! why do you do this to me DAMN YOU!!!!!!.

  ....ehum, 'scuse me i have been thinking about the setting i have been making up in the Mentally Terrorforming sections of this blog and, well, i'm a tit!!. You see my brain cant set a course of action and simply see it through, no, my brain sets out on one path and goes 'oh look, a tree' and wonders off for a frollic. Then it sees a butterfly and skips happily after it. No sooner has the butterfly got all scared and buggered off my brain sees a stream and its rolling up its trouser legs for a paddle!!. What i'm attempting to get across is that i tend to...er....rethink things that i  thought were all thunk through!.

So picture the scene, its a grey, brooding autumn day in Somerset. Your hero (and i use that term very loosely) is musing on the setting he has put several years into bringing to life. 'I can do better' he thinks to himself, 'it needs some tweaks, the relationships between the many nations should be more complex yet they should rely on those closest in some way while still being able to bash seven shades of stab wounds into them if desired'. That man ladies and gents, that man is a world class TIT!!!!. 

You can improve on this?, never, get away!!.

 I have come up with (and collected) 18 nations to populate the setting, that seems a little unworkable so i have 'trimmed' a little and 'streamlined' my thinking. Nations within the six main regions of the setting are now sort of melded together, the individual forces are still there and can be separated but come together to form six 'wholes' that work together for better or worse for reasons of mutual protection, economic need, fear, blackmail, debt or belief among others.This gives the required complexity but gives tidier forces on the table top that have tonnes more character but can split down in smaller games. It also means that i have (potentially) six massive forces to play around with!!. It also means that the stuff i have already written requires, how to put it, a heavy edit!'. I also had the brilliant idea that i should use the coloured bases type system  i use to identify which region they are from with a main colour and use the trim colour to identify which force they are from within said region ( blue for north for example with maybe black trim to identify the Lamavic clans and white for the Icejaw Outlanders).

This coloured basing here.

 This rather fantastically means that almost all of my 5000+ minis need bloody RE-BASING!!, brilliant, well done brain, and you wonder why we never talk.......

Nice army, shame the bases have to go! (gulp!).

.....so yeah, i'm happy to have a play with the setting and improve on it and all but...well...i don't make it easy for myself.......

.....Oh before i go i forgot to mention last time out that Mr Remco (you can see him in the followers section on the right) is the author of the brilliant blog  Remcos Miniatures which is well worth a look, go and do that while i go and sit in the dark and sob.......Till next time........