Sunday, 18 March 2018

Just 3 toenails and a bumhole to go.....

 Hi all, this post is very much for my own benefit so i make my apologies now for the ramble that follows......

   You may recall that i have been spending the last 5 months (has it really been that long?) re-basing my minis (the sorry saga is detailed here and here). I am pleased to report I HAVE ALMOST FINISHED!!!!!!. My mini collection is stored here:
The storage containers of ultimate evil!!.

 And do you know how many of these draws full of minis i have left to base?.......

.......Just this one!!!!!!!.

 I have based tray after tray and lost my mojo several times during this 'project' and it is fair to say i doubted whether i would ever get to a stage where i would be anywhere near the home stretch but here i am!. I appreciate this is purely an act of self congratulations but i'm chuffed. So there!.

   My home made fantasy setting is coming together after i finally sorted a basing system that would work for the regional factions staggering around my head (a main regional colour with a separate faction colour trim) , so far i have based the following (and i know i have yet to give any details of most of these factions so this will mean nothing to anyone but here goes!).......

North West: Lamavic Highland Clans, Lamavic Lowland Clans, Lamavic Sea raiders, Berserker Cults and Northern Outlanders.

Central West: Verland Household troops, Verland militia, Verland Templers, Marcher Lords.

Merchant Kingdoms Mercenary companies (formally the Guild alliance): The Steel Shanks, The Kingmakers, The Saddlebacks, Dahalroons Dogs, The Torralec Exiles and the Engineers Guild (experimental ordnance division). 

North East: Imperial Tradjev, The Crimson company, The tribes of Ashka and The Cult of the New Dawn.

South west: Royal Karmesh. Miracine, The redwater tribes, Assaria and a State slaver company.

 I only have the South East to do which is only made up of 2 factions (Medihama and the Jade Temples for those of you that only have a mild headache after the list above!!!!!).

 So an exercise in back slapping i know but sometimes you have to look back down the road to see how far you have come!!.......

.......and then i went and saw These (and the rest of the range too)....

                                                                                            ..........Bloody Red box!!!!!

  Anyhoo, Next time i will try to post something of actual interest!. Till next time!.....

Saturday, 3 March 2018


 As you may know storm Emma (whos naming these things?, i know an Emma who's got a temper but still, not the most awe inspiring name...) is battering the isles of Albion with swathes of white stuff and rather high winds.Being a member of the 'van driving community ('oi mate call that driving?/parking?/braking? etc'....) as a service engineer The net result for me and most of us here is the rare phenomenon known as a:


  While performing the tasks most associated with such a day (building snow folk and pelting the Sprinklings with balls of the stuff) my eye was taken by a table we have in the garden and the rusted cogs of my damaged mind began to turn:
Natural born terrain!!!!!

 So with the Sprinklings inside for dry clothes and hot soup your 'intrepid' blog botherer nipped inside to grab a few bits and this resulted:


 Over the wind swept tundra they trudged, a generic adventuring band on the hunt for an evil wizard of some type or other some bloke in a pub said was up to no good. The olde Gyglaxians was their title and no mission was too dangerous for them (for they were level 5, except the elf who was 6 and would not shut up about it!). Four was their number, and stereotypical was their make up. They were led by a noble knight (lawful too a fault) by the name of Sir Goodeemann, what he was doing adventuring as a knight was unknown, surely an anointed knight had lands to manage and surfs to push about the place but their you are!.  He was accompanied by his faithful followers, Gladeyss Treetickler the elf, Foppish he was but none could equal him with a bow (except all other elves obviously!), The parties wizard Uldenn the unwashed, an unashamed hippy who ducked out of any fight (not because he was a coward, oh no, but as a 'buffer' and 'healer' he was more use alive or so he would have you believe!). Lastly came Thorric 'shorty' Anvilknockker, the worlds tallest dwarf. He would tell you he was a 'half dwarf' but how that came about is best not followed up (considering his mum has a beard). Onwards they strode, no cold or ice could sway them from their cause.

'Chuffin' eck as like its brass bleedin' monkeys oot ere' Exclaimed Gladeeyss in his effeminate elven prose. 'Aw much bloody further do we 'ave ta trudge i can bearly feel me trotters!'.
'Fear not oh master of the shrubs', Answered Sir Goodeeman cheerily, 'Mangled Corpse ridge' is almost over and soon we will come to the valley of 'Small kittens and cup cakes' where the foul and evil wizard we hunt makes his home!'.
'Wait up a mo, did you say Mangled corpse Ridge?,' exclamed Thorric, 'Where all those people died in that battle and their corpses were left for the ravens and vultures and hamsters and that to feast on?'.
'Thats the one', replied Sir Goodeeman, 'Looks rather nice in the snow don't you think?, and have no fear of this place fellows, i bet the slaughter that occurred here will have no bearing in any way on our journey in these next few paragraphs'.
'Aye looks reet champion n' that, shame its so bloody cold for chuffs sake'. Retorted the elf throwing his cloak around him.
'Hey guys i, like, think i remember a spell to keep you warm from my apprentice days' chimed in Uldenn the wizard, 'I'll give it a go. Now it goes...oh how is ready at the key board)....ullakk, nullakk spullak boat, make it like a duffle coat, iffle, niffle, hiffle stones, bring new warmth too frozen bones'. That should do it!'.
''Well i feel a bit warmer' said Sir Goodeeman encouragingly.
'Well i blimmin dont' retorted Gladeyss, 'are you sure that spell was right?'.

......While the party stood discussing the finer points of why Uldenn was a crap wizard the ground began to rumble in a threatening manor......
......and long dead bones started to rise once more.......

  '.....and that time you blinded us with that mystic light, and you burned my backside 'saving' me with that fire ball, and you turned me into a chaffinch for almost a week and....'
'BLOODY HELL!!' shouted Uldenn pointing into the near distance 'ITS AN ARM!!!'
The party turned as one to follow the direction Uldenn was pointing.
'Godzukes!!' started Sir Goodeeman, 'Skeletons!!. 
As more and more of the dead rose the party sprang into action like a well oiled adventuring team should when faced with low level generic monsters!!.
 Sir Goodeeman and Thorric steamed into the enemy scattering frozen bones in all directions.
 Gladeyss took on some undead archers in a duel of arrows, knowing the skeletons had no eyes!.
Quickly the brave adventurers hacked through the enemy. 'Not so bad, more a work out than anything else!' Quipped Sir Goodeeman as he sliced through his final opponent. 
'Speak for yourself pal', replied Thorric, thick red blood spilling from a wound in his shoulder.
'Aah this is where the crap wizard comes into his own then is it?' said Uldenn stepping forward. 'Anyone got anything to say?'.
'Jus' bloody 'eal im beardy or i'll ave to stick an arra somewhere painful' answered Gladeyss with a glint in his perfect sky blue eyes.
'All right all right' conceded Uldenn, 'at least let me go up to that ridge for dramatic effect' he said pointing at a raised snow bank.
'Oh very well' said Sir Goodeeman 'but please make it quick'.

  Uldenn crested the ridge and took a deep breath of cold air, healing he could do, it was a day at the office for him and besides, the wound was just a scratch in truth, no problem. He readied himself and raised his staff and in his most dramatic voice he bellowed the ancient words:
              Fipple, bipple, snipple, bell, Heal the wounds and make all well. Andoo, mandoo, fandoo, buzz, make the form as it once was!' He smashed his staff into the snow for effect and as it landed he felt a slight tremor in the earth. Then he saw slight movement in the snow beneath him:

Gladeyss moved up beside him and glanced at the scene below. 'You've gone an' done it again ant ya!!. Nice one wazzock!'.
And with that the brave Olde Gyglaxians charged once more into glory?.....
....or death?.

...Frankly i'm not sure as my fingers were flippin freezing so i called it a day and went inside for soup and central heating like a sane 'normal' type person. But you know what, that was the most fun i have had gaming for a while, i'm not sure what the neighbours made of it but who cares?. Also playing by following a loose narrative as it wrote itself rather than a strict rulebook was good as it opened up the options of what i could do, after all it was about the heros, the skellies were more plot points then real threats.
For rules i loosely used this as a base:
Now theres a classic!, i made some characters, used the wizard as a plot device rather than creating spells but did let him 'shoot' and i treated 'groups' of enemies as single monsters with each skeleton giving 2 stamina points to the group as a whole. But enough of the rules piffle, theres hot chocolate (with marshmallows!) to drink so i'll popping off......

......'Till next time, stay warm......


Saturday, 24 February 2018

Workorcs of the world Unite!! (AAR)

  Yay i got this one played finally!!. Part of the delay was working out which rule set i fancied playing, I was uhming and of course aahing over Kings of War or Dragon Rampant or even Chaos Wars before in a flash of laziness i decided to have a bash at my own Blood, Guts and Rampant Hex 'system' (i use that term loosely!), mainly to give it a run out on these pages but also to prove it actually works!!.  But before i get into the game here's a little bit of extra prologue (you can find the first part here):

  'The Malevolent Allan stood on the Dank Ramparts of the Fort of Dark Cragges, the seat of all evil in the northern Badlanddes, until last month the largest employer of minions, orcs, ogres and other evil doers within a 15 mile radius. Before it was full of growls, roars, clatters, curses and other sounds such a ragged workforce would bring but now it was steeped in an odd eerie silence and the smell of damp earth and rotted flesh. Allan had discovered a dusty tome that had changed his whole approach to executive evil. He had devoured many chaotic sector management guide books over the years including such classics as 'Olde Worlde, New You; managing evil in a changing world', 'Orcs are from Wastelands, Beastmen are from Farms', and the ever popular 'Torture on a Budget, 1001 ways to control an unruly workforce'. None however would have the effect of his latest find. 'Ye Bookee o' the Dedde, Easy necromancy for total and utter beginners' was a turning point in his career. Why spend good gold on lazy, uneducated, foul smelling creatures when you can raise (admittedly still uneducated and foul smelling) armies of minions to do your bidding?. No more public holidays, no more shirking, no more smart arse goblins answering back, just blank mindless husks forefilling his every dark whim!!!.
  He had wasted no time sacking the useless lazy fu*kwits that made up his workforce and ordering his first batch of fresh cadavers from 'graverobbers2U' (stiffs on demand, order before the witching hour for next day The incantations were presented phonetically so raising them was a doddle (it did require the use of a necromatic mist that had proved rather 'clingy' but such is the cost of  ultimate dark power). Before he knew it he had a whole new workforce ready to roll 'fresh' from the afterlife!. Induction day had shown up some difficulties (what with instructions needing to be no more than 3 words long and bits needing re-attaching frequently) but his new workforce had proven not only obedient but relentless in their duties. Productivity had gone through the roof and best of all they were free!!!!, life had never been the wrongdoing and general naughtiness sector.....until the letter arrived!.
    But he would show them!, bloody URTEII...or was it URRTI....or UTTIT or whatever they were called (sounded like the noise you made passing a difficult stool!). If they wanted to shut him down they were welcome to try!. The lazy bastards he had fired had been vanquished in every dark deed he had sent them on, to think they could stand before him!, bloody cheek of it!. Let them come he brooded, let them try, his new workforce would grind them into mush! and he would stand up here with the wind in his jewel encrusted cowl to enjoy the show. And what made it even better was the fact that once they were done he would raise them again to work for him for free!!. Ah poetic justice!.....

The Evil one himself inspects his forces

   As stated above i'm using my own hex based rules to play this one. My board allows for quite large forces so i thought i would go for 60 points per side, they are as follows:

The Malevolent Allan's recently deceased reanimated workforce.......of death!!!!

5x General operatives (of evil) (light foot @20 points)
2x Ballistic department assistants (of doom) (missile foot @10 points)
2x Undead Ogre stockroom operatives (of darkness) (heavy foot @ 10 points)
2x Logistic solution delivery teams (of naughtiness) (light riders @14 points)
An order of magic scrolls (@ 4 points)

All of Allans workforce are from the Alliance army of the dead range except the Ogres who are from Mantic. The force are on Black bases with white trim (and leftover necromantic mist).

Here they are in battle formation:
Its blurry because they were moving honest!.

The unified pickets of U.R.T.E.I.I. (Darklanddes devision);

4x Disgruntled Orc unionists (light foot @16 points)
2x Workless warg riders (heavy riders @14 points)
3x union missiles (missile foot @15 points)
1x U.R.T.E.I.I regional Dispute resolution team ( heavy foot @5 points)
1x Itchybitz the giant, U.R.T.E.I.I recruitment officer and head fundraiser (monster @ 6 points)
1x order of magic scrolls (@ 4 points) 

U.R.T.E.I.I.s members have black bases with green trim and are by dark alliance except Itchbitz who is a reaper bones miniature. And here they are conducting a peaceful protest on the edge of Allans lands;
Sprinkling 2; son of sprinks was still up when i was setting up and asked if he could help so i let him set up the union side. He did a decent job but still, i should be able to beat a force deployed by a 9 year old right?.

 The game was to be played over 5 turns and the objective of the union fighters was to get into the hex in the doorway to Dark Cragges, if they could do so they would win the game. The forces of Allan had to prevent this from happening. 

Heres how the forces (and the table) were set up:

To battle...
 To begin both forces rolled to see if any magic scrolls turned up from the S.T.P.W.T. Both sides rolled 2 scrolls!. Allans lot got Bollocs Brandee of Bravery insannee and Dolcivanians domee of protectieon. The Union guys rolled Oldde reddes mystte and Callahannes Cloudee of confusieon.

Allans forces move out towards the picket line, in hind sight it could be seen as an act of provocation...

The first action sees the riders of Allan slam into the resolution team of chaos warriors (who would later claim they were appealing for calm and any damage caused in answer was purely accidental!).

Feeling the opposition have overstepped the line as far as conflict management goes the protesters become the provocateurs and the bloodshed begins!!.

Ever confident the dark one looks on from the shadows of the ramparts!

                                 Blows begin to rain down as the undead  start to give ground.

Heavy riders prove how powerful they are as they plow into the enemy line.

They also prove rather sneaky....

The dead pile tells the story of the undead plight.

Up until this point Allan has posted his big hitters on guard duty by the forts gates.....

....but in desperation they are committed.....

...and have an immediate impact!!. However the Wag riders spot a gap in the enemy line.....

 And make a dash for the gate!.


The scene as the fort falls!!!.

  That was a surprisingly quick and simple game, even though the undead took a pounding they almost held out, it was the 5th turn when the Warg riders made their mad dash for the gate. It looks like Dark Cragges has become the subject of a hostile take over!.
    Well that was my first game of the year, i hope the next comes along a little quicker!. 

...All that remains is to welcome Mr Mike McGuinness and the interesting to type X_BriX to the bottom of the barrel that is this blog!. I cant see if you guys have blogs but if you do please pop a link into the comments as it would be great to check it out (or just say high if you want!). Welcome to both of you!.
......Anyway, till next time......

Sunday, 11 February 2018

Blood,guts and Rampant with added magic!!!

Just a quickie to tell you i have added a magic system for my hex based medieval/fantasy rules as an optional extra!. You can view them as part of the rules by clicking Here (or on the More free rules tab). I went for a different approach to the 'normal' magic systems you find in most rules, and included some background to explain why.....whats that, you want a sneeky peek?.....oh go on then....

For ages past mighty wizards have been taking to the battlefields to aid the aims of Kings and Despots the world over in their struggles. Often the humble magic lobber was the difference between victory and defeat, and thus their stock rose to that of mighty (if slightly odd) heroes of battle!. However becoming a 'star player' on the field of battle paints a pretty large target on your backside and thus sure as eggs come out of lady poultry enemy commanders were seeking new and extreme ways to turn opposing wizards into gravy!. Turning the enemy Spell caster into an interesting collection of puncture wounds was the order of the day and soon it became rare for a wizard to survive very long when the cannons roared!.
    Around this time a collection of (singed and grazed) spell mumblers came together to see if anything could be done to increase their life expectancy. After a spirited discussion it was decided that a wizards place was in front of a roaring fire with a sherry and a nice bit of cake in a large tower rather than the cut and thrust of battle. Thus, the Spellcasters Trust for the protection of wizards of all types (S.T.P.W.T) was born!. To this end Wizards now refuse to enter battle, in their place a commander may purchase scrolls containing spells that they can bloody well cast themselves!!. This innovation means the wizards may have the desired effect on the battle without the worry of being run through by large, hairy, sweaty warrior types with no appreciation for the finer magical arts mid incantation!. Of course it has not been without its teething troubles but all new things will have bugs to iron out. Some scrolls are miss spelled (sometimes literally!) and can do more harm than good, not to mention the fact that wizards are known to have a poor grip on admin, resulting in scrolls turning up late or not at all!!. However these issues have not slowed the demand for battlefield magic, the industry for magic scrolls is in major growth and has made the wizards not just safer but considerably richer for it!.

.......till next time..........

Friday, 9 February 2018

When inspiration strikes!!!!

Its odd you know, one moment you are minding your own, taking a lunch break and watching the world go by. You pop online to see whats new in the world of whatever and lo and behold.......

Oooooh Ultima Ratio, what are you trying to do to me?!!??. These beauties are the new sets from this company, The guards of Cardinal Richelieu and Musketeers of the French King (pics in that very order). I like these lots, lots and lots in fact. And lots. The Plastic soldier review entries for both sets have just been posted so you can take a closer look here and here
They are based on the characters created by Alexandre Dumas and really fit the 'look' of his work and many of the films based on the Three Musketeers adventures. They fill a gap in the market that has needed filling for a while in my opinion, the only options up to now have been GerMans 'Musketeers of the French King' who suffer from brittle blade disease (they snap if someone so much as sneezes in the next room!!) and some sets from Mars which i will not suffer to have on these pages because like all mars products they are chubby faced stub handed blobs of flash and crap!!! (no really, 1:72 scale has some great sets from lots of producers but Mars are just..errrrgghhhhhhh!!!!, check out these 'beauties' if you need go wash your eyes!!!!.

 So why am i doing a blog post about seeing some minis?, i mean most of us do just that most days, well it happens i've been itching to have a bash at these:
 Ospreys En Garde! rules by Craig Woodfield. These are full of Swash buckling goodness and attempt to replicate the fighting style of the age in table top skirmish form. Now for a while i have had ideas for gaming some fantasy style games in a alt-historical setting based on this period. Im thinking of doing some undercover espionage style games between state sponsored groups of treasure hunters, Spies and assassins, sort of a 'Dumas does Bond meets Scott Lynch' thing across 15th century Europe. A loose cast of  spies, evil masterminds, exotic wizards from far flung shores, hired thugs and underworld kingpins conducting a secret war in the cityscapes of the age. Characters such as the worlds greatest  gentleman lover and spy known only as 'the iron codpiece' and his valet 'Vivian'. The evil mastermind Dr Donavann von Jovi and the evil mystic FuTang- FuTong and his undead minions along with a the Criminal overlord known only as the king of Shadows, a man who's finger is in every bent scheme across the continent. Hence why i got so excited by these minis!!!!. 

         The Gentleman Bastard trilogy, a very cool setting, needs some games in it!!

 As always im drowning in plastic at the mo so if this will realistically get off the ground is unlikely in the short term but its great when you realize you could if you can just find the, how to convince Mrs Sprinks i need more minis?........... 

......Anyway, 'till next time.......

Monday, 5 February 2018

Workorcs of the world unite!!!

Bloody hell i just realized my last AAR was posted last November!!, time to pull my finger out and write a prologue then....

The Malevolent Allen,
Dark Cragges, The,
North Badlanddes,
The Wastes,
EV1 1LL.
                                                                                                                Ms Repellia Kraybbs,
                                                                                                                Inter species relations,
                                                                                                                Tower of Total blackness,
                                                                                                                Old foulness Trading Estate,
                                                                                                                Sl11 11II.

 Dear Mr Malevolent,
                               It has been bought to the attention of my associates at U.R.T.E.I.I. (the Union of Representatives of Total Evil Incarnate International) that your recent decision to fire your entire workforce (including all hench creatures, guards, cowled scribes, officers of all ranks and general minions) controvenes several sections of of ye olde evil overlordes working entitlements agreement for underlings 1074. Namely:

i; Sacking by (rather abusive) letter rather than by use of the agreed consultation and review procedure set out in the aforementioned act.

ii; Using terms such as 'useless knuckle dragging workshy ba***rds', 'totally unreliable lumps of steaming warg leavings' and 'slathering wastes of time, food, oxygen, space, effort and other things too bal*achingly tiresome to go into' in such a piece of correspondence is directly opposed to the guidelines given in section 4 paragraph 18 of 'Evil underlings and the right to self worth at work act 11287'

iii; Withholding payments on any basis, even, and i quote 'because all you total wan*lings do is cost me time, stress and good gold and frankly you owe me for putting up with your bul**hit for all these blo*dy years' is strictly forbidden under the fair payment for deeds of evil and/or darkness act of 1101.

iv; Replacing said workers without following the guidelines drawn in the 'employment rights for enterprises of malcontent both long and short term act 1099' specifically the act of properly advertising said positions, interviewing and vetting potential employees and setting out benefits, payments and terms of work in a correctly drawn up contract rather than 'popping down yee dajrklanddes discountte necromanciee emporiumme and picking up a second hand copy of the bookee o' the dedde and, and again i quote, 'whipping up a bunch of lackies with frankly more bloody life in them then you lazy ars**oles ever blimmin' well displayed in the last twenty years of  dispoilling and general evil mongering you bunch of complete and utter fu**nuggets'.

  The abuses of your position listed above leave my organization little choice other then direct industrial action. Expect a picket line to be established within a 2 mile radius of your address listed above to begin within the next few days. Also be forewarned that any aggression from yourself or representatives of your workforce towards striking members will not be tolerated. This action will cease upon either:

i; A reinstatement of your workforce with correct measures in place to assure this never happens again.

ii; Agreeable settlements are provided for each member as a redundancy package to be negotiated with U.R.T.E.I.I. representatives.

iii; Your slow, lingering, bloody death.

  I feel it only fair to warn you that our members are already sharpening their 'placards'.

                                                Yours expectantly,
                                           Ms Repellia Kraybbs, Inter species relations.

.....Game to follow soon (i hope), i fancy doing a big one so may be breaking out Kings of War again!.

  All that remains is to give a hearty wronghammer welcome to John M of fame. Check out his blog its choc full of true scale goodness, i recommend it!!.

......Anyway, 'till the dice roll, see you next time.......