Sunday, 16 September 2018

The week that was (and frankly, can fu*k right off!!)

 Its been a trying week at chez Sprinks, i always like to keep this blog like space purely 'gamey' (gamey bits below i promise), but its my space so i will be venting for a bit before i update the ol' campaign (your good folks, i know you can ignore my moaning!).
 This week has been one of those that you just wish had buggered off before it began!, It started with not only the tumble dryer giving up the ghost and a random piece falling off the downstairs sink. I know what your thinking, 'But Sprinks, thats all deal-withable', and you would be right. But that was just the start!. I have been working 'out of area' this week and therefore have been inundated with re-wires of decades old Bristolian wiring that is a kind of overtly dangerous spaghetti the likes of which you do not want to put your hands in because some of it is going to be live in the worst possible way!.
My first job on monday morning.....possibly.

This has meant early starts and late finishes each day just to get through the leathal linguini!!.....but thats still not the worst of it, oh no. The Dog has decided that just being happy, bouncy and generally a bit dopey was not enough, she decided that a nice deep cut on her leg would top things off nicely (thanks to a piece of broken sharp ridged plastic some utter FU*KKNUCKLE threw into the garden, no really whoever you are you are a total bellend of epic proportions!), the result, a cut that even though treated will just not heal and has been so far had stitches and then staples in it but still not closed up!.

 Millie the Wronghammer dog models the cone of shame!.

I know, still not so bad, it can be coped with.....but then.....

Sprinkling 2:son of Sprinks sleeping it off.

 The above is the result of the great monkey bars incident of 2018, Sprinkling 2:son of Sprinks managed to break both his arms falling backwards from said bars, 5 breaks over the two arms, several wires and 3 hours of surgery later hes back at home but with casts on both arms he can do nothing for himself and is reduced to relying on myself and the amazing Mrs Sprinks to be his arms for at least the next 4 weeks!. So yep, this week can go get fu*ked!.

.......On a lighter note.....

There has been developments!!!!!!!.

- The Crivenshire 4th after their victory at Both Ways have been ordered to push on while leaving a guard on the bridges to press and engage the retreating Fossestershire 2nd and cause enough trouble over the Fossestershire border to draw off the reserves of the lurking Fossestershire 4th.

-The forces of Lamavic are bored. Armies are massing ready to pick a target for random yet focused violence!.

-The forces of Offenhammeshire are massing on the Crivenshire border but holding position, the 2nd army however are readying themselves on the Fossestershire border close to the warring forces from both ways.

-Burkenshire have Raised their forces in response to the battles close to their border and the massing Lamavic armies.

-Off the Burkenshire coast a small group of ships look to make it to port unnoticed.....

 Next time hopefully their will be less drama and more gaming, i hope to have The battle of Privies Pile played and ready to go!.

......'till next time......

Tuesday, 4 September 2018

The battle of Both Ways

Yep that's right, just when you thought it may have been safe to loaf around on the old internettibobs i'm back with the next battle in:

     With the Battle of Habituals Ridge done and dusted and a thorough kicking been dished out to the forces of Crivenshire i am going to zoom in on another area of the campaign, this time the north west.

You will notice the Fossestershire 2nd and the Crivenshire 4th are having a bit of relational difficulties in the area, the Crivenshire 4th have been sent to head off the Fossestershire force so the rest of the Crivenshire forces can deal with the 'big push' from the northerners in the east. This has lead to the leader of the Fossestershire 2nd, one sir Phyice has ordered an advanced force to push on and capture the way point of Both Ways inside the clearing in Phlippinooge forest, the only crossing point over the fierce Splishy river that cuts the provinces in half. The tactical importance of the crossings has not been lost on either side and the commander of the Fossestershire 4th, sir Leon-Seat has ordered local forces to hold them at all costs. The advanced force from the north are advancing into a trap!. 
     The area in question looks like this:
 (Picture taken from 'Olde Albilande in pictures (14th edition)' produced as ever to raise funds for the Albilande conservation collective (cake making and casual violence department).
(Click to make it all big)

  I played out the battle as a test for my 'massively stupid scale battle rules' im (STILL BLOODY!) working on to try them on a smaller sized battle. I also implemented the following rules:

-To win a force had to either make the opposing side flee the field or have an unit of troops within 20cm of the bridges and no enemy troops within the same distance of either bridge at the end of the 5th turn.

-Phlippenooge forest is governed by the autonomous Nymph collective trust (ANCT) and therefore has no interest in the wars of silly childish humans. The North/South roads are in use as a courtesy to the King (deceased) and are governed by a strict one way system and collection of permits and passes required to use them. Constant patrols of the Forest behavior and actions control officers (FBACO) are in place to make sure the rules are followed by all travelers in the forest grounds. Failure to follow the rules are punishable by death. Oh and the average FBACO operative is typically an 9 foot tall angry Dryad.
 At the start of each turn i will roll 1d6. On the roll of a 5+ a patrol from the FBACO will arrive from a random area of tree life and proceed to approach the closest unit to check their paperwork (no troopers have any sort of paperwork for the battle!). on a D6 roll of 1-2 the unit will be able to use excuses such as 'its in me other jerkin' or 'damn i left it on the cart' and so forth to placate the patrol, on a 3+ the patrol will offer swift justice by attacking!. Once in play the patrol will continue to approach units in this way until destroyed. Only one patrol will be in play at any one time. the scuffleage!.....

   The action begins as the advanced forces of Fossestershire clippity-clop, romp, march and otherwise traverse the South road into the clearing containing the Bridges.

(The Fossestershire force of: A unit of heavy cav lead by Sir Planted, A unit of light horse, two trailing units of heavy foot, one lead by Sgt Pullitt-backke, and a unit of crossbowmen. As ever my thanks goes to the tireless work of the Wronghammer plastic reenactment society for their fantastic pictures illustrating the battle).

However awaiting them on the other side of the river were the quickly assembled forces of Sir Bilgington-Bile and his local troopers:
(The Crivenshire forces of: (From closest to furthest) A unit of serf bowmen, A unit of Crivenshire patented pike, Sir Bilgington-Bile and his brave footte Knightes.....
.....A unit of bows and a cannon!).

The battle begins with the Footee Knightes of Sir Bilgington-Bile and the Patented Pike taking a bridge each as the Fossestershire forces attempted to advance to close the distance:

While the forces moved forward the combined fire of the archers:

And the cannon:

Combined to destroy the Fossestershire light horse!

                                             (the former light horse have a nice lay down)

At the first sight of the enemy Sir Planted orders his hev horse to charge the pike on the bridge!

While seeing his commanding officers bravery Sgt Pullitt-backke orders his unit of foot(e) to do the same on the other bridge.

            (Sir Bilgington-Bile crosses great swords and choice words with Sgt Pullitt-backke)

Meanwhile the din of battle attracts some unwanted FBACO attention:

 'Look sarge, it appears there are multiple small types making use of the facilities'.
'Quite so private Phontofearthlypeace,it 'hapears we will need to a'check their paperwork is in the correct 'horder, let us proceed to the closest fleshy type ha'pace'.

'Ello ello, i 'ope you 'ave the required permit for such hordance within the peaceful grounds of the forest?'.
'Eeeerrr, sorry officer, we cant have it on our person its smoke damage you see... on account of the cannon, talk to our C.O, ees over there on the bridge, the one surrounded by the severed limbs.....officer.....officAAAHHHHHHHHGGGHHHHH!!!!!'.

'Fine h'application of justice Phontofearthlypeace, let us stroll h'onwards to check the clearance of the rest of these ner'dowells'.

Meanwhile, on the bridges:

The attack of Sgt Pullitt-backkes foot is repelled after taking heavy losses.

While after their charge was stopped Sir Planteds' Hev horse are massacred by the pike!.

Seeing their commander fall the second unit of Fossestershire foot think better of charging the bridge, instead choosing to goad the pike into attacking their defensive formation in open ground!. With the use of various assumptions about the enemies mothers they manage to get the pike to charge them!. Not wanting to expose his fellows flank Sir Bilgington-Bile orders his Foote Knightes off their bridge to engage the beaten foot of Sgt Pullitt-backke:

While this is transpiring:

'Honestly officer, i left it in my other quiver!'

The Crivenshire serfs spy an opportunity for bravery and grab a bridge!:

The charge of the brave Foote Knightes proves too much for the Fossestershire foot and despite the best efforts of Sgt Pullitt-backke his men turn and run!:

Which sparks the mass rout of the Fossestershire force, the Bridges of Both ways belong to Crivenshire........

..........For now at least!.

That was fun, finally after two large scale whoopings Crivenshire have something to crow about!.
'till next time.........

Sunday, 26 August 2018

More Movements, whispers and the odd invasion

Before i go into the next battle in the long running campaign.....

I thought i would show the current movements and 'appenings from Olde Albilande:

As things stand:

I thought this time it would be easiest to go through each shire at a time, starting with:


Having taken a ruddy great pasting at Habituals Ridge the Crivenshire 2nd (much reduced!) have retreated in poor order away from The victorious Fossestershire 3rd. Rumor has it that their industrious leader sir Rallaigh of Choppa is hiding with a bodyguard in a hovel somewhere awaiting rescue!. 
   Due to the defeat the 'kinginthemeantimefornow(selfproclaimed) the Earl of Crivenshire has ordered the 3rd army to head off and contain the oncoming Fossestershire forces while he brings up his own 1st army in support. He is relying on promised support from Offenhammeshire to help turn back the oncoming Fossestershire  forces in the West, affording only the 4th army to cut them off.

Having driven off the Crivenshire 2nd and pushed into east Crivenshire the Fossestershire 3rd have been ordered to form a beach head for the oncoming invasion just west of Abblebridge. The earls own 1st army moves up to support them. However the leader of the 3rd, sir Physs has become obsessed with hunting down and taking hostage sir Ralligh of Choppa and is expending troops in gorilla actions to find him. In the East the Fossestershire 2nd advance to the Crossing of 'Both-ways' in order to engage the isolated Fossestershire 4th and lead a full invasion backed up as promised by the forces of Offenhammeshire. The Earl is keeping the 4th army in reserve.

The earl has massed all but one of his forces on the Crivenshire border, having pledged assistance to both the warring shires his intentions are unknown. 

Yet to raise their forces Burkenshire looks on. The young earl not prone to warfare 'because all it will do is make the rich richer while the oppressed working classes suffer under the yoke of the crushing feudal structure that keeps them down.....oi, servant, wheres my bloody venison?'. However to the East seas a shadow is rising....the wind whispers the name......'Bitchenmarken'.......

......Meanwhile in Lamavic........
   'Aye bhoys, looks like those lan' stealin' BASTARDS are havin' a war withoot us!, that cannie be right 'eh?, i reckon we's expected to invite our 'sels doon the way to join in, whatta yous lot think?!!'.

  Next stop the crossing at 'Both-ways'.......'till next time.....

Sunday, 19 August 2018

Last stand at Habituals Ridge (pt 2)

And relax!.

     Things have been mighty quiet around these parts for the best part of the last year due to me undergoing a rather drastic change in my career. I have gone from the stress and strain of the retail managers lot (and its constant urge to visit differing levels of violence on pathetic middle management types!) to the far more rewarding and involved life of the service engineer. This has meant a long period of training and studying on my part so gaming time has been greatly reduced. However, i have just about finished my final stage of this process, having just passed my exams for my gas accreditation (look out world!). Just the matter of an internal competency to go!.

 (another day at work!)

 upshot of this is that my gaming time should return to the normal level it was at before all the training started (or better, as my working hours and stress levels are greatly reduced!). However the world will have to live with the knowledge that a doughnut like me will be tampering with their gas supplies!!!!.
  Anyhoo, that hopefully explains why i have been less than speedy updating my blog based piffle of late.......speaking of which.......

                                         BATTLE AT HABITULES RIDGE (PT 2)

(You can find part 1 here)
         .....its time to go back to the 'Fight o' the morrow' teams transcript of the battle as it happened to gain much valued insight on the events that lead to such an important victory for....well.. that would be telling.....

'As the trumpets sound for kick off we are underway, the leader of the Fossestershire force, Sir Phiss orders his serfs forward in an aggressive opening act on the flank, the Crivenshire cannon team wasting no time in firing into their ranks!. However the serfs seem undeterred by the damage Al'.
'Thats right sir John, its good to see such commitment early on from the attacking side'.
'Are you surprised the cannon failed to send them running Al?.
'No sir John, they make 'em tough up north!'.
'Quite so Al, and..yes..we can see the Fossestershire line is advancing'.

'Looks like a statement of intent from the Fossestershire command Al'.
'Thats right sir John, the northeners are on their game today, pushing forward into the Crivenshire defenses, good order in the advance, Sir Physs will be pleased with that'.
'And the Crivenshire serf archers have pushed on into the field Al'
'Yep, looking for a good field of fire no doubt'

'No sooner have they taken up position Al the Fossestershire bows have opened fire on them and just look at them fall!.'
'A text book volley there sir John, thats what we came here to see, fantastic bowmanship from the men in grey and white.'

'And would you fathom it Al, the serfs have had enough, they have turned and run from the field, and who could blame them?'.
'Thats disappointing sir John, shows a total lack of commitment on their part and now the Crivenshire left is wide open. Who taught them to defend?.'
'Over on the other flank things are heating up'.
'The Jarkin have broken ranks Al, i think....yes im getting word that a vicious taunting from the serfs has wound the big men up and they have had enough!, could be trouble for the northern conscripts'.
'Great technique from the serfs there sir John, really getting under the big lads skin, drawing them out of position, the question is are the serfs up to the task of holding the enemy long enough.'
'Quite right Al', meanwhile the Fossestershire charge has begun.'

'Sir Physs has led his Knights into the teeth of the defenses of the watchtower......

 .....while the spearmen have charged the pikes, a wise move Al?'.
'Well you cant fault their commitment Sir John, looking to engage the enemy on all fronts, with no sign of the army from St Ronays they have to get the job done.'
'I can barely hear you over the din of battle Al, both sides are giving no quarter, quite a battle we have on our....the serfs waver, nice work from the Jarkin pushing them back...

 ...and they are running Al, the Jarkin have put them to flight!'.
'Magnificent work from the big lads Sir John, great finishing there.'
'The pikemen are holding admirably in the face of the charge Al, really living up to their billing'.
'Thats right Sir John, reliability is what you would expect from such seasoned troops.'
'This battle really is anyones at this point. But whats this...i think i can hear...can you hear hoof beats Al?.'
'Now you mention it Sir John...'
'Well what about this Al, the forces of St Ronays stump have stormed onto the field!, lead by Sir Bacckersfordde on his great snow eagle Keith Montgomary no less, who has charged head long into the Jarkin!'.
'Great time to bring them on Sir John, this could be a decisive move, great to see Sir Bacckersfordde on the front foot early'.

'He has an immediate effect wiping out the Jarkin, he really is a star in the making this youngster.'
'Thats right sir John, he lights up the battlefield with his electric pace and expert finishing'.

'The arrival of the subs looks to be timely Al as in the center the spears have broken, the pikes holding out against them'.
'Great defense there sir John, no way through for the Fossestershire forces there'.
'But it may not be enough Al as they are now isolated against the oncoming troops!'.
'We have a stalemate at the watchtower Al, no side giving way despite heavy pressure. The Fossestershire troops getting the worst of it'.
'Its the numbers game playing out Sir John, no lack of ability on the knights side but its a big ask to storm a defended area against this kind of numbers'.
 'Elsewhere the pike are now facing the charge of the Fossestershire combined horse and sir Bacckersfordde on his great snow eagle Keith Montgomary, could be decisive Al'.
'Its a tall order to face that kind of power but if anyone can hold th...oh no, they've broken!'.

'Things look bleak for Crivenshire Al, how do they come back from a setback like that?'
'Its difficult no doubt sir John but this is where quality counts, and Sir Rallagh of Choppa and his Knights are still uncommitted'.

'Over at the watchtower things have taken a turn Al, the Fossrstershire bows have thrown themselves into the fray'.
'Great attacking play from them sir John, drawing off the defense to allow the knights to push on, great stuff'.
'Meanwhile it looks like the tower itself has been claimed by Sir Bacckersfordde on his great snow eagle Keith Montgomary, while we were watching the base of the tower he swooped in on the cannon and killed the crew!'.
'Great movement from the youngster Sir John, dynamic attacking play showing quick thinking in the heat of battle.'
'And over on the other side of the tower Sir Rallagh seems to be under pressure Al'. 

Hes being attacked on two fronts Sir John, theres no coming back from that!'.

'With daylight fading Al it looks like the Crivenshire command have ordered the retreat, they are disengaging from the enemy and heading from the field in defeat, a bad day for them'.
'Thats right Sir John, after a bright start from the front line it all fell apart when the second wave came on from the flank, they failed to fall back and reorganize and it all fell apart from there. The defenders at the watchtower held on well but with the early loss of the serfs the writing was on the wall'.
'And who was your trooper of the battle Al?'.
'Theres a lot to choose from today Sir John. The defenders at the tower held on all battle and the pike did well for a time but you cant look past the young Bacckersfordde. For me he made the difference in terms of his movement and body count, i feel he really tipped the balance for the Fossestershire force today.'
'Thanks Al, well thats all for today, with Fossestershire forces encamped in the north of Crivenshire how will the Earls forces respond?. From me, the big man and all the 'fight o' the morrow team' its a fond fair thee well!'.

 The transcript comes to an end there. Im sure we can all agree its a treat to have an actual account of the battle as it happens. Also a big thank you from me for the Wronghammer plastic re-enactment society for their hard work translating the words of the transcript into the scenes we have above. Thanks fellas!.

Well thats it for now.....'till next time.....