'The Malevolent Allan stood on the Dank Ramparts of the Fort of Dark Cragges, the seat of all evil in the northern Badlanddes, until last month the largest employer of minions, orcs, ogres and other evil doers within a 15 mile radius. Before it was full of growls, roars, clatters, curses and other sounds such a ragged workforce would bring but now it was steeped in an odd eerie silence and the smell of damp earth and rotted flesh. Allan had discovered a dusty tome that had changed his whole approach to executive evil. He had devoured many chaotic sector management guide books over the years including such classics as 'Olde Worlde, New You; managing evil in a changing world', 'Orcs are from Wastelands, Beastmen are from Farms', and the ever popular 'Torture on a Budget, 1001 ways to control an unruly workforce'. None however would have the effect of his latest find. 'Ye Bookee o' the Dedde, Easy necromancy for total and utter beginners' was a turning point in his career. Why spend good gold on lazy, uneducated, foul smelling creatures when you can raise (admittedly still uneducated and foul smelling) armies of minions to do your bidding?. No more public holidays, no more shirking, no more smart arse goblins answering back, just blank mindless husks forefilling his every dark whim!!!.
He had wasted no time sacking the useless lazy fu*kwits that made up his workforce and ordering his first batch of fresh cadavers from 'graverobbers2U' (stiffs on demand, order before the witching hour for next day delivery...er....etc). The incantations were presented phonetically so raising them was a doddle (it did require the use of a necromatic mist that had proved rather 'clingy' but such is the cost of ultimate dark power). Before he knew it he had a whole new workforce ready to roll 'fresh' from the afterlife!. Induction day had shown up some difficulties (what with instructions needing to be no more than 3 words long and bits needing re-attaching frequently) but his new workforce had proven not only obedient but relentless in their duties. Productivity had gone through the roof and best of all they were free!!!!, life had never been better.in the wrongdoing and general naughtiness sector.....until the letter arrived!.
But he would show them!, bloody URTEII...or was it URRTI....or UTTIT or whatever they were called (sounded like the noise you made passing a difficult stool!). If they wanted to shut him down they were welcome to try!. The lazy bastards he had fired had been vanquished in every dark deed he had sent them on, to think they could stand before him!, bloody cheek of it!. Let them come he brooded, let them try, his new workforce would grind them into mush! and he would stand up here with the wind in his jewel encrusted cowl to enjoy the show. And what made it even better was the fact that once they were done he would raise them again to work for him for free!!. Ah poetic justice!.....
The Evil one himself inspects his forces
THE GAME
As stated above i'm using my own hex based rules to play this one. My board allows for quite large forces so i thought i would go for 60 points per side, they are as follows:
The Malevolent Allan's recently deceased reanimated workforce.......of death!!!!
5x General operatives (of evil) (light foot @20 points)
2x Ballistic department assistants (of doom) (missile foot @10 points)
2x Undead Ogre stockroom operatives (of darkness) (heavy foot @ 10 points)
2x Logistic solution delivery teams (of naughtiness) (light riders @14 points)
An order of magic scrolls (@ 4 points)
All of Allans workforce are from the Alliance army of the dead range except the Ogres who are from Mantic. The force are on Black bases with white trim (and leftover necromantic mist).
Here they are in battle formation:
Its blurry because they were moving honest!.
The unified pickets of U.R.T.E.I.I. (Darklanddes devision);
4x Disgruntled Orc unionists (light foot @16 points)
2x Workless warg riders (heavy riders @14 points)
3x union missiles (missile foot @15 points)
1x U.R.T.E.I.I regional Dispute resolution team ( heavy foot @5 points)
1x Itchybitz the giant, U.R.T.E.I.I recruitment officer and head fundraiser (monster @ 6 points)
1x order of magic scrolls (@ 4 points)
U.R.T.E.I.I.s members have black bases with green trim and are by dark alliance except Itchbitz who is a reaper bones miniature. And here they are conducting a peaceful protest on the edge of Allans lands;
Sprinkling 2; son of sprinks was still up when i was setting up and asked if he could help so i let him set up the union side. He did a decent job but still, i should be able to beat a force deployed by a 9 year old right?.
The game was to be played over 5 turns and the objective of the union fighters was to get into the hex in the doorway to Dark Cragges, if they could do so they would win the game. The forces of Allan had to prevent this from happening.
Heres how the forces (and the table) were set up:
To battle...
To begin both forces rolled to see if any magic scrolls turned up from the S.T.P.W.T. Both sides rolled 2 scrolls!. Allans lot got Bollocs Brandee of Bravery insannee and Dolcivanians domee of protectieon. The Union guys rolled Oldde reddes mystte and Callahannes Cloudee of confusieon.
Allans forces move out towards the picket line, in hind sight it could be seen as an act of provocation...
The first action sees the riders of Allan slam into the resolution team of chaos warriors (who would later claim they were appealing for calm and any damage caused in answer was purely accidental!).
Feeling the opposition have overstepped the line as far as conflict management goes the protesters become the provocateurs and the bloodshed begins!!.
Ever confident the dark one looks on from the shadows of the ramparts!
Blows begin to rain down as the undead start to give ground.
Heavy riders prove how powerful they are as they plow into the enemy line.
They also prove rather sneaky....
The dead pile tells the story of the undead plight.
Up until this point Allan has posted his big hitters on guard duty by the forts gates.....
....but in desperation they are committed.....
...and have an immediate impact!!. However the Wag riders spot a gap in the enemy line.....
And make a dash for the gate!.
YYARRGGGHHHH!!!, WE'LL SHOW YOU WHAT A SACKIN' IS!!!!'.
The scene as the fort falls!!!.
That was a surprisingly quick and simple game, even though the undead took a pounding they almost held out, it was the 5th turn when the Warg riders made their mad dash for the gate. It looks like Dark Cragges has become the subject of a hostile take over!.
Well that was my first game of the year, i hope the next comes along a little quicker!.
...All that remains is to welcome Mr Mike McGuinness and the interesting to type X_BriX to the bottom of the barrel that is this blog!. I cant see if you guys have blogs but if you do please pop a link into the comments as it would be great to check it out (or just say high if you want!). Welcome to both of you!.
......Anyway, till next time......
