Saturday, 3 March 2018

Bbbuurrrrrrrr!!!!!

 As you may know storm Emma (whos naming these things?, i know an Emma who's got a temper but still, not the most awe inspiring name...) is battering the isles of Albion with swathes of white stuff and rather high winds.Being a member of the 'van driving community ('oi mate call that driving?/parking?/braking? etc'....) as a service engineer The net result for me and most of us here is the rare phenomenon known as a:

                                               



  While performing the tasks most associated with such a day (building snow folk and pelting the Sprinklings with balls of the stuff) my eye was taken by a table we have in the garden and the rusted cogs of my damaged mind began to turn:
Natural born terrain!!!!!

 So with the Sprinklings inside for dry clothes and hot soup your 'intrepid' blog botherer nipped inside to grab a few bits and this resulted:

    INTO THE WHITE; A TALE OF ADVENTURE AND DARING DO (ON A TABLE IN THE  BACK YARD OF AN IDIOT!!)

     
 Over the wind swept tundra they trudged, a generic adventuring band on the hunt for an evil wizard of some type or other some bloke in a pub said was up to no good. The olde Gyglaxians was their title and no mission was too dangerous for them (for they were level 5, except the elf who was 6 and would not shut up about it!). Four was their number, and stereotypical was their make up. They were led by a noble knight (lawful too a fault) by the name of Sir Goodeemann, what he was doing adventuring as a knight was unknown, surely an anointed knight had lands to manage and surfs to push about the place but their you are!.  He was accompanied by his faithful followers, Gladeyss Treetickler the elf, Foppish he was but none could equal him with a bow (except all other elves obviously!), The parties wizard Uldenn the unwashed, an unashamed hippy who ducked out of any fight (not because he was a coward, oh no, but as a 'buffer' and 'healer' he was more use alive or so he would have you believe!). Lastly came Thorric 'shorty' Anvilknockker, the worlds tallest dwarf. He would tell you he was a 'half dwarf' but how that came about is best not followed up (considering his mum has a beard). Onwards they strode, no cold or ice could sway them from their cause.


'Chuffin' eck as like its brass bleedin' monkeys oot ere' Exclaimed Gladeeyss in his effeminate elven prose. 'Aw much bloody further do we 'ave ta trudge i can bearly feel me trotters!'.
'Fear not oh master of the shrubs', Answered Sir Goodeeman cheerily, 'Mangled Corpse ridge' is almost over and soon we will come to the valley of 'Small kittens and cup cakes' where the foul and evil wizard we hunt makes his home!'.
'Wait up a mo, did you say Mangled corpse Ridge?,' exclamed Thorric, 'Where all those people died in that battle and their corpses were left for the ravens and vultures and hamsters and that to feast on?'.
'Thats the one', replied Sir Goodeeman, 'Looks rather nice in the snow don't you think?, and have no fear of this place fellows, i bet the slaughter that occurred here will have no bearing in any way on our journey in these next few paragraphs'.
'Aye looks reet champion n' that, shame its so bloody cold for chuffs sake'. Retorted the elf throwing his cloak around him.
'Hey guys i, like, think i remember a spell to keep you warm from my apprentice days' chimed in Uldenn the wizard, 'I'll give it a go. Now it goes...oh how is it.....um......(get ready at the key board)....ullakk, nullakk spullak boat, make it like a duffle coat, iffle, niffle, hiffle stones, bring new warmth too frozen bones'. That should do it!'.
''Well i feel a bit warmer' said Sir Goodeeman encouragingly.
'Well i blimmin dont' retorted Gladeyss, 'are you sure that spell was right?'.

......While the party stood discussing the finer points of why Uldenn was a crap wizard the ground began to rumble in a threatening manor......
......and long dead bones started to rise once more.......

  '.....and that time you blinded us with that mystic light, and you burned my backside 'saving' me with that fire ball, and you turned me into a chaffinch for almost a week and....'
'BLOODY HELL!!' shouted Uldenn pointing into the near distance 'ITS AN ARM!!!'
'WELL OF COURSE ITS AN ARM!' Thorric responded,'WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GONNA POINT WITH???!!!'.
'NOT MY ARM, THAT ARM!!!!'.
The party turned as one to follow the direction Uldenn was pointing.
'Godzukes!!' started Sir Goodeeman, 'Skeletons!!. 
As more and more of the dead rose the party sprang into action like a well oiled adventuring team should when faced with low level generic monsters!!.
 Sir Goodeeman and Thorric steamed into the enemy scattering frozen bones in all directions.
 Gladeyss took on some undead archers in a duel of arrows, knowing the skeletons had no eyes!.
Quickly the brave adventurers hacked through the enemy. 'Not so bad, more a work out than anything else!' Quipped Sir Goodeeman as he sliced through his final opponent. 
'Speak for yourself pal', replied Thorric, thick red blood spilling from a wound in his shoulder.
'Aah this is where the crap wizard comes into his own then is it?' said Uldenn stepping forward. 'Anyone got anything to say?'.
'Jus' bloody 'eal im beardy or i'll ave to stick an arra somewhere painful' answered Gladeyss with a glint in his perfect sky blue eyes.
'All right all right' conceded Uldenn, 'at least let me go up to that ridge for dramatic effect' he said pointing at a raised snow bank.
'Oh very well' said Sir Goodeeman 'but please make it quick'.

  Uldenn crested the ridge and took a deep breath of cold air, healing he could do, it was a day at the office for him and besides, the wound was just a scratch in truth, no problem. He readied himself and raised his staff and in his most dramatic voice he bellowed the ancient words:
              Fipple, bipple, snipple, bell, Heal the wounds and make all well. Andoo, mandoo, fandoo, buzz, make the form as it once was!' He smashed his staff into the snow for effect and as it landed he felt a slight tremor in the earth. Then he saw slight movement in the snow beneath him:

'OHCRAPOHCRAPOHCRAPOHCRAP!!!!!!!!!
Gladeyss moved up beside him and glanced at the scene below. 'You've gone an' done it again ant ya!!. Nice one wazzock!'.
And with that the brave Olde Gyglaxians charged once more into glory?.....
....or death?.

...Frankly i'm not sure as my fingers were flippin freezing so i called it a day and went inside for soup and central heating like a sane 'normal' type person. But you know what, that was the most fun i have had gaming for a while, i'm not sure what the neighbours made of it but who cares?. Also playing by following a loose narrative as it wrote itself rather than a strict rulebook was good as it opened up the options of what i could do, after all it was about the heros, the skellies were more plot points then real threats.
For rules i loosely used this as a base:
Now theres a classic!, i made some characters, used the wizard as a plot device rather than creating spells but did let him 'shoot' and i treated 'groups' of enemies as single monsters with each skeleton giving 2 stamina points to the group as a whole. But enough of the rules piffle, theres hot chocolate (with marshmallows!) to drink so i'll popping off......

......'Till next time, stay warm......

             

10 comments:

  1. Excellent Snow Table game Mr Sprinks - shame you can't bring it indoors and play in the warm...

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  2. Excellent idea !! Keep it in the refrigerator :D

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    1. Another great idea, it would be a truly 'portable wargame!' :D

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    1. Thanks mate, do you mind if I quote that on my profile? :)

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  4. So you brought real snow into your real house to play a real snow battle with your figures and children,...
    Man you are insane :) thank you an congratulationd for the initiative and sharing!

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    1. Thanks mate, no i drew the line at taking the table inside (Mrs Sprinks would have killed me!) instead i played outside as the snow fell, it was surprisingly atmospheric and lots of fun to do once!!

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  5. Used to do that as a kid. We had a picnic table in our front yard and 4-5 months of snow. So I could do WWI and have actual trenches. And the big pile from shoveling the front walk and drive gave my Airfix German Mountain troops a mountain to operate on/ ski down.

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    1. That sounds cool!, that was the first proper snow we have had for 3 years or more!. That would have been such a great environment to play soldiers in.

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