Sunday, 4 June 2017

Soloquest: Thieving BA*&$RDS!!!!!! AAR (part 1)

 I managed to get this one played within a week of writing the prologue!, go me!. This report will have to be split into 2 parts because its rather large and will need a lot of pictures to describe the action (really, a lot!).

  Cyglax ripped the ivy from the old stout wooden door with a grunt. 'Are you sure this is the secret door?' Villaraxxx asked Snivles. The goblin shrunk back under his masters gaze 'yeses masters its the door they dont ever use for nuffin ever sir lordy sir'. 'And you are sure if we go in there will not be a wall of archers aiming right at us or some horrible trap of gruesome death like the ones we have back home, well had before those BASTARDS came and broke them all?'. 'Yes sir it will be fine an that sir cos they donts know we is comin or nuffin sir' the goblin answered coving his face as if to avoid a swift slap. 'To be fair, i did just pull about three hundred years worth of plant life off it', offered Cyglax 'they wont even know its here and if they do they wont be expecting us after the state they left our place in'. 'Im sure your right' said Villaraxxx 'right, are we ready?'. The party gave a quiet cheer. 'Right then, Cyglax, Goretex, lets get this door open and lets give them a taste of their own bloody medicine!'. The Firmir and the Chaos Warrior grabbed Snivles by an arm each and smartly flung him through the closed door, splintering it and sending broken planks and the goblin flying into the dark corridor behind. 'We're in' announced Cyglax dusting off his hands. 'All right then' said Villaraxxx. He cupped his hands round his mouth and peered into the darkness 'Snivles, is the coast clear?.....'

As i mentioned in the last post (which you can read here) That i was going to use my home brew solo Heroquest rules for this game. I have posted them on here before, if you wish to read them they are here and here.

As i am not playing in the traditional way i need to fill in some rules gaps so bear with me while i go through the book keeping:

 As i am playing a party of bad guys not the party included in the game i have written profiles for them as follows:
The party from left: Goretex the Chaos warrior, Snivles the Goblin, Villaraxxx the Chaos Wizard and Cyglax the Fimir.

                                ATTACK       DEFEND      BODY      MIND       NOTES
Goretex                        3                       3                4                2
Snivles                         1                       2                3                2            Sling (missile attack on 1 dice)
Villaraxxx                    2                       2                4                4            Has Fire and Earth magic
Cyglax                         3                       2                5                2

 The party are not strictly made to follow the generation rules to the letter, i just went with what felt right for them.

  Villaraxxx got a good look at the 'heros' that smashed up his gaff and stole his stuff and the party are hell bent on getting bloody revenge!. The party win the game by finding and killing the party of heros included in the game i.e. the Dwarf, Wizard, Elf and Barbarian. I have changed their profiles by restricting them to 2 Body points (most 'boss' enemies only have 1 so they are getting off light!) and giving the wizard air and water spells and the elf a longbow that gives a missile attack on 2 dice!.

Also it would be a bit weird if they were living in a place full of the normal monsters for Heroquest so i have come up with a new set of enemies for the party to fight their way through using some minis i have about the place. Their profiles are as follows:

                                ATTACK       DEFEND      BODY      MIND       NOTES
Man at arms                 2                       2                 1               2
Archer                          1                       2                 1               2           Missile attack on 1 dice.
Guardsman                   2                       3                 1              3
Dwarf guard                 2                       2                 1              3
Dwarf gunner               2                       2                 1              3           Missile attack on 2 dice.
Dwarf Longbeard         3                       3                 1              3

   I used my rules for setting up and ended up with a board looking like this:
   'scuse the glare!, The dark blue tiles are features and the light blue are enemies!. The party will begin in the bottom of the board in the center.

  ....'Snivles.....SNIVLES!.... oh flippin hell i think hes gone and died on us!, did you two have to throw him so hard?'. demanded Villaraxxx as he poked his head into the gloom after the missing goblin. 'sirs, sirs come quick' came a small voice from the darkness'....its....its....not dingy or dank and theres no mildew or nothin, theres soft stuff on the floor and loads o' torches...i can sees everythin.......its comfey and warm and...and.....its 'orrible!'. CLEAN?, WARM?, BRIGHT?, THE BLOOBY BARBARIANS!' screamed Villaraxx, 'COME ON LADS!, HAVE NO FEAR SNIVLES, HELP IS ON THE WAY!'. And so it was our anti-heros made their way into the fort of donepillagin to gain their revenge!.
The party get a first look at the evil lair!.
Given the classic choice of east or west to begin their adventure (thank you firetop mountain!) the 'heros' turned east. 'Hey Snivles, have you ever wanted to be a scout?' asked Villarax in his sweetest voice. 'OOH YES YES BOSS I WANT TO DO THE BESTEST JOB FOR YOU SIRS' shouted the Goblin excitedly. 'Then be a dear and see whats behind that door will you'. Snivles approached the door and gave it a push.
He found a common room with a roaring fire and a chest ('one of mine i recon' grumbled Villaraxxx) and a man at arms, Guard and a Dwarf longbeard enjoying a mead together!. Snivles waisted no time in waving awkwardly and legging it behind the big guys!. Cyglax and Goretex pile in axes at the ready.
The result- bad guys 2 good guys 0!. The Guard charged into Cyglax but fails to hit him, he is answered with an axe somewhere personal!. 'Nice job boys' said Villaraxxx and he strode into the room and swiftly opened the chest. 'Never doubted you for a moment!. Oh look...GOLD!'. he said reaching into the chest and pulling out a handful. Goretex gave a sigh that said 'dont mind us, we only killed the guards for you!'. 'Hey guys theres another room further along...look' exclaimed Cyglax opening it carefully. It was empty save for a chest, Cyglax wasted no time pulling it open. He found a bottle inside. 'Bloody ell boss its a potion of speed!, im the fastest fimir in the world!.
The party continued along the eastward corridor until they came to a corner. Cyglax poked his head around and saw a Dwarf guard at his post. 'theres a guard' he whispered to the group. 'What?' said Villaraxxx. 'I said theres a guard' Cyglax tried again in a slightly louder voice. 'Speak up boggy i cant bloody hear you back here' Villaraxxx replied. Cyglax rolled his eye. 'Dont roll your bloody eye at me lizard breath'. 'I SAID THERESOHSHITHESCOMING', shouted the hulking Fimir as he bolted back round the corner. 'WHOS BLOODY COMING' shouted Villaraxxx as Cyglax ducked an hammer blow.
Cyglax cursed and berried his blade into the dwarfs gut. 'THIS BLOODY GUARD'. Villaraxxx strode round the corner. 'Oh that guard, why did'nt you say?' he said as he stepped over the body, smirking. The group continued on..........
                                                  conga formation!
Soon the party came upon another door. Snivles opened it slowly.
It was a study of some kind containing a large bookcase....and a Wizard with his guard!. Snivles loosed his sling at the Guard only to see the stone bounce off his targets armour. He then ducked round the door frame and wildly signaled to the others. Villaraxxx entered the room...'YOU!' he bellowed at the Wizard. The Guard began to advance but the hulking frame of  Goretex walked casually between the Guard and Villaraxxx. With one blow the Chaos warrior felled the hapless guardsman!. Villaraxxx wasted no time and flung a fireball at the wizard!.
 'Turn over my pot plants will ya?, wreck my bloody kitchen?, kill my goldfish?, GET HIM LADS!'.
The rest of the party piled on!
None of the party manage to wound the wizard who proves just how sneeky he is by calling up a vail of mist spell......and running away!.

'COME GET ME YOU LOOSERS!' he shouted back as he ran!. 'Where'd he go' coughed Cyglax. 'Dont worry lads, i'll get him, i've just the thing' said Villaraxx with cold determination as he stalked through the door. 'OI KNOB HEAD, EAT THIS!'
And with that the enemy wizard was engulfed in flames to die an agonizing death!. 'Anyone bring any marshmallows?' asked Cyglax as he and the rest of the party came out to see what all the commotion was about. With much patting on the back and high fiving the party continued on....Except Goretex who checks out a book on the wizards bookcase. Wedged in the pages is a scrap of paper containing the instructions for calling a Genie!. 
As the party go on they arrive at the next door the next few rooms become a blur as enemies come from everywhere to fall at the parties blades but none of the remaining 'heros' are found.....wait a mo....this calls for......A PICTURE MONTAGE!.

 Villaraxxx finds a potion of strength!

It was all going swimmingly until the party opened the next door!
Villaraxxx swaggers to the next door and flings it open only to get a hammer in the head!, Staggering backwards sees the toughest looking Dwarf longbeard he has ever seen in the door way!. 'COME ON THEN YOU EVIL BASTARDS, COME GET A TASTE O' ME 'AMMER!'. Cyglax charges at the dwarf screaming 'THERES AN H IN HAMMER YOU BLOODY OIK!'. His blow glances off the dwarfs plate but the dwarf has more luck, staggering the Fimir with a solid blow to the gut!, Cyglax tries to counter with a blow of his own but the dwarf steps back and avoids it. He raised his gigantig warhammer and swings. Cyglax looks up just to see the hammer coming down, Snivles screams, Goretex covers his eye holes as the hammer connects!. Cyglax slumps lifelessly to the flagstones, a pool of thick black blood trickles from his head.

Will the party get their revenge?, can they get past the bloody Longbeard?, will they find the dwarf, Barbarian and Elf?, can they survive the horrors of donepillagin?. Find out the answers to all these questions and more next time................

                                   TO BE CONTINUED........ 


  1. LOL I love this sh1t!
    'It was all going swimmingly until the party opened the next door' pretty much describes the current d&d campaign I'm playing in.
    I'm waiting for you to get 'you'll 'ave someone's eye out with that thing' into a post of course ;)

  2. Thanks mate. Its true the next door will get you every time!. And as far as 'you'll ave someones eye out... Challange accepted my friend!. And if anyone else wants me to try and get a quote into the next post BRING IT ON!!!😃

    1. Right...double challenge .

      Of course, this means that you will have to get the more famous Star Wars and Aliens quotes in now:

      Start with 'Put that thing away, before you get us all killed .' heheheheh

    2. As good as done!. My mind is whirring already!.

  3. Nice adventure, Sprinks. It somehow reminds me of an old computer game named Dungeon Keeper - the bad guys were defending their home (and attacking the neighbours :) ).

    1. Thanks phil, just checked out 'dungeon keeper'it looks loads of fun!.

  4. Definitely more fun than Cluedo. I've been playing a new game to me, Four Against Darkness - Good solo dungeon fun.
    Star Wars quote for your next adventure - "In my experience there is no such thing as luck" (Obi Wan after rolling a double 1, again).

    1. Four against darkness looks like a lot of fun, kind of retro with a twist!. As far as Obi Waning the next post.....bring it on!.