Mentally Terraforming: Raising tomorrow today!.

So its time to get back into the setting in my head and to expand on the state of this made up crazy little world. Previous posts can be found here:
An introduction
Verland, the last kingdom in the west
battle report:Rats over lowbridge (prologue)
Battle report:Rats over lowbridge AAR

As shown in the older posts i have shown the lay of the land and have given some detail of the first nation (a touch garbled but hey!). The idea of doing these posts are two fold. First its made up of ideas that have formed a setting that i love to game in and have kind of stuck together over the years while gaming and designing armies to collect. The secondis that it seems a shame to just keep it to myself, why not share some ideas to either provide some starting points for others that want to game in a different setting and to also give some insight into creating your own setting so others may be inspired to make their own. Oh, and so i can game this setting on Wronghammer without totally confusing the rest of the online world!.

So anyway onto the second nation of the setting and arguably the most powerful in terms of military and economic clout:

THE GUILD ALLIANCE

Back to the dodgy map again!

The Guild Alliance rose to power during the period after the age of strife. During this time the smaller Kingdoms in the west that united with Verland to turn back the forces of the Shadow were all but ruins. Slowly they rebuilt and began to grow but required heavy taxation to do so. Before long they were back to their old ways raiding each others borders and playing out old grudges. During this period tradesmen in the Kingdom of Orrane decided to join together to protect their interests during this unrest to ensure they could maintain a living and continue to prosper. These early agreements were soon copied by other industries such as the money lenders and farmers, smiths and artisans. Before long these groups banded together for strength and support against the crowns demands for harsher taxes and conditions. The guilds soon began to lend money to the crown to help support the nation and lessen the demands on the common people. Before long the other Kingdoms had similar alliances to protect the common classes. The rise of guilds in Equintadore and L,etten were swift and word spread to Redstone before long. Soon these groups were sharing ideas and working loosely together. Without the groups realizing it they were the economic power of the west. 20 years after the rise of the guilds the crown of  L'etten attempted to outlaw these groups due to a fear that they were becoming too powerful among the unwashed masses (not to mention the kings chronic paranoia caused by substance abuse!). This led first to strikes and trade bans and ended with the crown putting troops in the field to murder striking workers. The struggle was ended when common folk and guild members from surrounding areas overwhelmed the royal army and stormed the palace in a bloody revolution!. L'etten' became the first republic in the history of the west and it sparked the spirit and ambition of the guilds in the area!. The next action happened when the guilds of Equintadore and Redstone called in all debts they were owed by the respective royal families of the country. Over the years these sums had become staggering as they were in essence able to replace the bulk of taxation with guild lending. This act threatened to bankrupt these nations and gave the ruling classes two clear choices, they could pay and face years of hardship and a loss of power to the guilds or they could refuse and risk uprisings like the one in L'etten'!. Both Kings chose the latter and struck at the guilds. However the Guilds were in such a strong position they could not hope to beat them. They had the support of the masses, allies in the other nations that shared their borders and enough economic power to buy armies of sellswords to fight for them. It was not long before the Kingdoms fell into the hands of the Guilds. Soon the Ruling family of Orrane fled in the night fearing revolution in their own country and the Kingdom of Arradan called in the crown of Verland to protect them from the tide of change sweeping the nations!. Verland were happy to send troops to protect Arradan as it formed a buffer between Verland and the guilds areas in the south. Over 5 years the west was transformed from a group of childish kingdoms at odds with each other to a solid alliance of guilds working together for their own prosperity.  Only Arradan stood as a free Kingdom but only because of the actions of a kingdom powerful enough to fend off the young guilds.

A guild force advances through the southern outlands

THE MODERN GUILDS

 The guilds strength has continued to grow and now they are the richest single entity in the world. They control most of the trade in the west and are involved with almost all major economic actions in some way. They lend money to most groups and nations and use this to further their influence. In truth they learned an important lesson during the revolutions and now hold a vice like grip over many important groups and rulers who have no hope of paying the debts they owe the guilds. However money is not the only way to pay, the guilds are happy to take on informants and to use this power to influence the actions of the nations they lend to. The guilds are still interested in expanding its influence and are aggressive when they want to take an area of strategic, economic or military importance. They hold the largest standing army in the world and is the only force of fully professional troops. They have no trouble raising forces as they dont allow any destitute peoples in their nation, they either have to go into poor houses (almost prisons where they work long hours for food and a roof) or join the army. Criminals are also either imprisoned or forced to join up for life. The army is harsh but very well organized and run and is the pride of the guilds.

The guild run nation is governed by a High counsel of guild leaders. these leaders are elected from within the highest ranks of their own guilds every 5 years. It is said however that the seats are less decided by ballot but through influence, gold and the assasins blade!. Each area is under the influence of the counsel and run by a high Governor who implements the orders and policies of the high counsel. He is served by a series of lesser Governors that serve their own areas again implementing the orders of those above. The position of Governor is highly sort after and like most of the leaders in the Guild system gives ample chance for corruption and personal gain!. As the size of the operations the guilds oversee is ever growing the use of policy is key in keeping the people at all levels acting for the good of the Guilds. Laws are kept by policy, disputes are judged by policy, trade is performed in line with policy. As long as policy is adhered to life is good. For the lower classes they are encouraged to lead useful lives. Children must be apprenticed to a trade by the time they are 5 and this will be their life. Personal growth and wealth is encouraged as the ideal and working toward the growth of the guilds is seen as the point of working life. These ideals and policies are encouraged by the local Governors through their personal team of enforcers. The enforcers are men trained to be part local police, part community reps and part brute squad. they regularly walk the streets and collect the guilds fees from members. Those not adhering to the guilds standards are punished, sometimes through economic sanctions but often through violence!. They are greatly feared and have a massive influence in all aspects of life, intimidating the locals who live in fear of them. They are chosen by the Governor they serve for their size, lack of morals and ability to blindly follow orders. They earn good livings and often run their own protection rackets and take bribes on the side. 

INDUSTRY

The guilds are by far the most advanced nation as far as developing new processes and tech. They developed black powder and sold it to other nations as well as adapting the pike as the primary infantry weapon in the modern age. They have the reputation of being at the fore front of production methods and use the population to further their aims rather than operating for their own prosperity. The guilds engineers have recently discovered steam power and have developed quite a few new applications for this including the steam piston and boiler. This is slowly rolling out in industry and has led to the development of weird new military applications such as the steam cannon and steam behemoth, although both are strictly developmental and untested in the field.

THE GUILD ARMY TODAY

   Enforcing Guild rule!!!

The common solder will be trained in a dedicated battlefield roll and will be well drilled and trained. His equipment will be mass produced and uniform armor patterns are used according his roll. The rolls are:

Pikemen, the mainstay of the infantry.

Musketeers, using the latest muskets, often deployed in a block supporting the pikes.

Swordsmen, used in a flexible roll.

Billmen and Light crossbows used in a supporting roll

  Marksmen and Cannon crew, those that show talent for these rolls are given special training.

Heavy Horse, unlike most nations the guild use the most promising men as cavalry rather than leaving the roll to nobility. If you are suited to the roll you will be trained to do it.

Due to this training and organization the army is very tight knit, Officers are raised from those that show the relevant abilities rather than through rank of birth. Anyone can rise to lead and this makes the respect for leadership more real as the troops feel that officers are one of them.

As well as the common troops sometimes enforcers take to the field armed with huge swords and small muskets.

Enforcers in their finery.

Also it is not unknown for developmental weapons to go into the field, weapons using the new steam tech are seen on rare occasions.

The Steelside land ship!. (by Ironclad miniatures, very cool stuff!).

The guild armies are also keen users of sell swords to bolster their numbers and strength. It is not unknown for an army to be made up of all sell swords to desguise the guilds actions (they do dress troops as sell swords to confuse opponents and blame other nations for the guilds actions!).

As you can see i have gone for a 16th century Spanish style for the army but its up to you how you go, as long as they have a tech level in advance of the rest of the world you are good to go. It also means i have a table ready warhammer Estillian army!. The minis i have used are a mix of Zvesda, red box and revell.

As ever with this project use what you want and if it sparks some ideas feel free to go with them!. Or ignore it...whatever really, im amazed you made it to the end!, give your self a pat on the back and a treat of your choice!.

Anyhow, till next time!

Soloquest: Thieving BA*&$RDS!!!!!! AAR (part 2)

Welcome back to the longest running solo Heroquest game report in the world ( possibly), you cant have failed to have noticed that this is part 2 of the report, but not only is there a part 1 (found here) but also an intro come prologue thingy (which can be found here). Its best to read the prologue before part one, which means i have just put them the wrong way round.......cos im a tool.
Also after a little back and forth in the comments section in part one i have pledged to get some well known film quotes into this part of the report after a rather fun and not too serious challange from the fine and upstanding Mr Duc de Goblin and Mr Maudlin Jack Tar. They have requested i get the following in somewhere:
'you'll 'ave someone's eye out with that thing'
'Put that thing away, before you get us all killed .'
 "In my experience there is no such thing as luck"
.....er thanks gents!. If i manage to get these in i will reward myself with a cold beer after posting this!.
Right enough with the blather.....

   ........We left our 'heros' within the comfy and well lit stronghold of Dunpillagin, the home of a band of adventurers guilty of raiding and overturning the dungeon lair of Villaraxxx, a local Chaos wizard. Peeved with the constant home invasions Villaraxxx and his remaining hench...er....folk have decided to put the boot on the other foot and are now roaming the halls, looking for revenge!. Currently the party have killed one of the foul home wreckers in the the form of the enemy wizard but need to hunt down the elf, dwarf and barbarian that continue to raid the groups' home. The party have happened across a dwarf longbeard with a bloody massive hammer who has managed to kill one of the party, the Firmir Cyglax and is blocking the path taunting our brave heros..........

'THATS 'IM DONE!' shouted the ugly old dwarf, 'LETS 'AVE THE REST O' YA!'. The party stood in shock. 'WHATS WRONG, CANT STAND UP TO OL' STUMPY AN' 'IS 'AMMER?'. As the dwarf taunted them Goretex remembered the scrap of paper he had found, he began to recite the words. 'mmhhmm, mmmm, mmhhmmhh, mhhh. All the sound seemed to get sucked from the room and time around the hulking Chaos warrior slowed to a stand still, a magical miasma appeared before Goretex which slowly took on the shape of a giant glowing man. 'WHAT DO YOU BID MASTER?' the magical being asked. 'MMHHH MHMHMH, MMMMHHH HM MMHHH!!' ordered Goretex pointing to the dwarf. 'A WEDGIE AND A CHINESE BURN?' replied the figure, 'MASTER ASKS MUCH FROM ME, BUT YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND!'. Time seemed to speed up to catch up with itself as the dwarf stood taunting the group. Suddenly he pulled a face as his feet left the ground sharply. he then gave a yell and dropped his hammer, gripping his wrist in pain. 'MMH MMMMMHHHH!' shouted Goretex and the dwarfs head was pulled from his shoulders by unseen hands and flung against the wall!. The dwarfs body slumped to the floor.

'OOOOWWWWW!!! me poor crack!!....

The party stood in shock trying to make sense of what had happened. Villaraxxx turned to face Goretex who gave a smug shrug of his shoulder pads. 'Is that an old parchment with a spell to raise a Genie by any chance?' he asked, peering at the crumpled page in Goretexes huge glove. Goretex gave a look that said 'might be'. 'Well put that thing away before you get us all killed.......you massive metal bell end, leave the magic to the experts!'. Villaraxxx ignored the sobbing Snivles hunched over the corpse of Cyglax and walked over to the chest. He opened it and let out a sardonic chuckle. 'Hey lads, look' he said holding up a small glass bottle with a clear liquid inside. ' What is it boss'?' snivles asked, wiping his nose on the back of his wrist. 'Its a potion of bloody healing thats what!'. 

The party moved on to the next area of the stronghold, Coming to a door the party pulled up, cautious after the 'hammer wielding nutter' incident. 'Snivles, be a love and open that door would you' ordered Villaraxxx. The small goblin cowered away 'i..i...donts want to master, dont hurt me....its all dangerous....i dont want to be all dead like Cyglax......master please!'. All right, all right stop cringing like that....Goretex, be a dear...'. The big chaos warrior strode towards the door with his axe raided. He gave a knock and ran, pushing Snivles over on the way!. The door was opened by a flushed and rather miffed looking dwarf warrior doing up his belt.

 'What the flippin eck does you want?' he said lowering his axe at the prone goblin. For a moment Snivles lay still shaking with fear before he jumped to his feet and loosed his sling at the dwarf taking him by surprise and catching him on the temple. A look of confusion passed across the dwarfs face, he swayed for what seemed like an age before he crumpled and fell, 'Lucky shot' snapped Villaraxxx as he walked up to the goblin. 'Wellllll' began Snivles puffing out his chest, 'in my experience theres no such thing as OOWWW!!!!!!' he finished as Goretex cuffed him as he passed!. Villaraxxx entered the room. 'Look. a cupboard, i wonder whats inside?' he asked as he pulled it open. To his surprise a half naked hairy dwarf sprung out swearing loudly and swinging at Villarax, wounding him. Snivvles dived at the dwarf, running him through!. 'And you can shut up about that one too!'. snapped Villaraxxx, blushing. Snivles kicked the dead dwarf, 'i wonder what they were up oowww bossssss!!!!' he blurted as Goretex grabbed him by the ear and bundled him on. Goretex threw Snivles at the next door, splitting it to reveal.....

'ITS THAT BLOODY ELF!' 

The elf looked round at the attackers and drew his blade. 'I thought i killed you yesterday, never mind i can finish the job now!'. He threw himself at Goretex with a girly war cry just to bounce off the breast plate of the massive hulk. Goretex buried his axe into the elf, forcing it far into his head. The elf was dead!.

'Nice one Goretex' said Villaraxxx as he stood over the elf, 'i bloody love you!'. The Chaos warrior replied with a shrug that could only say 'i know'. 'Cheeky bastard, right two more to find guys, lets get 'em'. The party smashed their way into the next room, they were met by two dwarves leveling rifles at them!, Villaraxxx and Goretex were too wound up to care and bundled into the gunners before they could fire, killing them both!

'RRRAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!.......oh look, chests!'

Opening the two chests in the room Snivles discovered a flagon of Heroic brew!, in Goretex's chest however....

A dwarf sprung from the chest, taking the Warrior by surprise and wounding him!. Angered Goretex struck the dwarf with the back of his gauntlet, the dwarf slumped back into the chest!. Quickly Snivles darted forward and locked him in. 'These dwarves are bloody mental' said Villaraxxx shaking his head as he walked.

The party moved on to the next room.'Right, if anyone sees a chest or cupboard or bloody....i dont know....bed side table...and i cant believe im saying this....check for dwarves!' ordered Villaraxxx as he opened the room.....

The room contained an archer ready to fire....and a bloody BARBARIAN....er...hiding behind him!. The archer let fly, the arrow shot past the party and slammed into the wall behind them!. 'Oi' shouted Villaraxxx  'you'll 'ave someones eye out with that thing!, Goretex, if you dont mind!'. The warrior walked up to the quivering archer and lifted him of the floor, turned and flung him against the same wall his arrow was stuck in!. Before Goretex could turn the Barbarian forced his sword through his back!, Goretex staggered towards his friends. 'No...no...not again..' muttered Snivles as he produced his Heroic brew and took a large swig. 'NOT LIKE CYGLAX AGAIN!!!' he screamed as he flung himself at the muscle bound warrior!. With a laugh the Barbarian side stepped the Goblin and swung his sword at him. Snivles backed off. 'Not like that you little green knob!' said Villaraxxx with a hint of disgust in his voice, He produced his own potion of strength. He downed the green liquid, wiped his mouth and fixed the Barbarian with a cold glare...'LIKE THIS!!!!' He walked towards the warrior and drew his dagger, the barbarian eyed the blade, moving his huge sword to parry. Villaraxxx used the distraction to punch the shaggy warrior full in the face and through the wall behind him!. 'Yippie kie yay moth.....oh sorry, wrong franchise!' he quipped as he smoothed his robes. Snivles attempted to pull The wounded Goretex to his feet which went as well as you would expect!.

'Right, wheres the bloody dwarf!!!.......

Snivles opened the next door to find...

A table, an archer, a dwarf warrior and.... the dwarf adventurer!. Snivles wastes no time firing his sling at the dwarf before him and hits him in the face!, the dwarf falls!, Villaraxxx charges the archer as he is about to loose at snivles, knocking him down and killing him!. Only the last adventurer remains!. 'RIGHT, I WANT A BLOODY WORD WITH YOU YOU BEARDY, CHAVVY, SCRUFFY LOOKING HOUSE BREAKER!!!!!' screamed Villaraxxx. The Dwarf raised his huge axe. 'OOS SCRUFFY LOOKIN?' he replied as he charged into the Chaos wizard, knocking him off his feet. 'NOOOO!!!!' shouted Snivles as he rushed the dwarf. 'YOU LEAVE MY MASTER ALONE!!!'. The dwarf laughed as snivles bounced off him. the Dwarf heft his axe and swung it in a deadly arc... and Snivles fell to the floor in a crumpled heap of dead!.

Poor Snivles!!!

Although still injured an enraged Goretex lumbered forward to avenge his little friend. He swung at the dwarf, connecting with a glancing blow but unable to keep his balance he stumbled forward!., the dwarf took his chance and brought up his blade under the Chaos warriors chin!.

Goretex falls!

The dwarf laughed as he pulled his axe free and strode towards the winded and wounded Villaraxxx. 'Thought you lot could be heros did ye?, hehe, thats the most stupid thing i ever 'erd, you lot are the bad guys, you only exist to give us proper heros something to kill!!', now stay still while i takes your bloody 'ed off!!!.' Villaraxxx got to one knee and pulled a potion from inside his robes. He uncorked it and took a long pull on the sticky liquid inside. 'Whatever that is, it wont save you now' grinned the dwarf as he took another step. 'Oh i think it might' answered Villaraxxx coldly as he finished his potion of healing.'You can't win Dwarf, if you strike me down i ....i....I'LL BLOODY GET YOU!' The dwarf took a step back as his mouth dropped open. The Wizards wounds began to heal up, his cuts knitted back together even his bruses vanished. Villaraxxx pulled himself up to his full height. 'YOU SMASHED UP MY HOME' he shouted pacing toward the dwarf, forcing him back. 'YOU STOLE MY STUFF' he continued as the stepped back again. 'YOU ACT AS IF YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO PUSH US AROUND!' he said as he stalked forward another step, the dwarf tried to step away but found himself against the wall. 'AND YOU....KILLED...MY.......FRIENDS!!!' he screamed as he plunged his blade into the dwarfs belly. A look of confusion crossed the dwarfs face as he slipped down the wall '......but im the hero.....im 'posed...... to.......win.......' The dwarfs head slumped forward. 'Right', said Villaraxxx. 'Wheres the bloody stairs....'

Right, i reckon its time for that beer!.....till next time......

Soloquest: Thieving BA*&$RDS!!!!!! AAR (part 1)

 I managed to get this one played within a week of writing the prologue!, go me!. This report will have to be split into 2 parts because its rather large and will need a lot of pictures to describe the action (really, a lot!).

  Cyglax ripped the ivy from the old stout wooden door with a grunt. 'Are you sure this is the secret door?' Villaraxxx asked Snivles. The goblin shrunk back under his masters gaze 'yeses masters its the door they dont ever use for nuffin ever sir lordy sir'. 'And you are sure if we go in there will not be a wall of archers aiming right at us or some horrible trap of gruesome death like the ones we have back home, well had before those BASTARDS came and broke them all?'. 'Yes sir it will be fine an that sir cos they donts know we is comin or nuffin sir' the goblin answered coving his face as if to avoid a swift slap. 'To be fair, i did just pull about three hundred years worth of plant life off it', offered Cyglax 'they wont even know its here and if they do they wont be expecting us after the state they left our place in'. 'Im sure your right' said Villaraxxx 'right, are we ready?'. The party gave a quiet cheer. 'Right then, Cyglax, Goretex, lets get this door open and lets give them a taste of their own bloody medicine!'. The Firmir and the Chaos Warrior grabbed Snivles by an arm each and smartly flung him through the closed door, splintering it and sending broken planks and the goblin flying into the dark corridor behind. 'We're in' announced Cyglax dusting off his hands. 'All right then' said Villaraxxx. He cupped his hands round his mouth and peered into the darkness 'Snivles, is the coast clear?.....'

As i mentioned in the last post (which you can read here) That i was going to use my home brew solo Heroquest rules for this game. I have posted them on here before, if you wish to read them they are here and here.

As i am not playing in the traditional way i need to fill in some rules gaps so bear with me while i go through the book keeping:

'HEROS'
 As i am playing a party of bad guys not the party included in the game i have written profiles for them as follows:

The party from left: Goretex the Chaos warrior, Snivles the Goblin, Villaraxxx the Chaos Wizard and Cyglax the Fimir.

                                ATTACK       DEFEND      BODY      MIND       NOTES

Goretex                        3                       3                4                2

Snivles                         1                       2                3                2            Sling (missile attack on 1 dice)

Villaraxxx                    2                       2                4                4            Has Fire and Earth magic

Cyglax                         3                       2                5                2

 The party are not strictly made to follow the generation rules to the letter, i just went with what felt right for them.

THE MISSION

  Villaraxxx got a good look at the 'heros' that smashed up his gaff and stole his stuff and the party are hell bent on getting bloody revenge!. The party win the game by finding and killing the party of heros included in the game i.e. the Dwarf, Wizard, Elf and Barbarian. I have changed their profiles by restricting them to 2 Body points (most 'boss' enemies only have 1 so they are getting off light!) and giving the wizard air and water spells and the elf a longbow that gives a missile attack on 2 dice!.

Also it would be a bit weird if they were living in a place full of the normal monsters for Heroquest so i have come up with a new set of enemies for the party to fight their way through using some minis i have about the place. Their profiles are as follows:

                                ATTACK       DEFEND      BODY      MIND       NOTES

Man at arms                 2                       2                 1               2

Archer                          1                       2                 1               2           Missile attack on 1 dice.

Guardsman                   2                       3                 1              3

Dwarf guard                 2                       2                 1              3

Dwarf gunner               2                       2                 1              3           Missile attack on 2 dice.

Dwarf Longbeard         3                       3                 1              3

 SETTING UP

   I used my rules for setting up and ended up with a board looking like this:

   'scuse the glare!, The dark blue tiles are features and the light blue are enemies!. The party will begin in the bottom of the board in the center.

ON TO THE ACTION.....
  ....'Snivles.....SNIVLES!.... oh flippin hell i think hes gone and died on us!, did you two have to throw him so hard?'. demanded Villaraxxx as he poked his head into the gloom after the missing goblin. 'sirs, sirs come quick' came a small voice from the darkness'....its....its....not dingy or dank and theres no mildew or nothin, theres soft stuff on the floor and loads o' torches...i can sees everythin.......its comfey and warm and...and.....its 'orrible!'. CLEAN?, WARM?, BRIGHT?, THE BLOOBY BARBARIANS!' screamed Villaraxx, 'COME ON LADS!, HAVE NO FEAR SNIVLES, HELP IS ON THE WAY!'. And so it was our anti-heros made their way into the fort of donepillagin to gain their revenge!.

The party get a first look at the evil lair!.

Given the classic choice of east or west to begin their adventure (thank you firetop mountain!) the 'heros' turned east. 'Hey Snivles, have you ever wanted to be a scout?' asked Villarax in his sweetest voice. 'OOH YES YES BOSS I WANT TO DO THE BESTEST JOB FOR YOU SIRS' shouted the Goblin excitedly. 'Then be a dear and see whats behind that door will you'. Snivles approached the door and gave it a push.

He found a common room with a roaring fire and a chest ('one of mine i recon' grumbled Villaraxxx) and a man at arms, Guard and a Dwarf longbeard enjoying a mead together!. Snivles waisted no time in waving awkwardly and legging it behind the big guys!. Cyglax and Goretex pile in axes at the ready.

The result- bad guys 2 good guys 0!. The Guard charged into Cyglax but fails to hit him, he is answered with an axe somewhere personal!. 'Nice job boys' said Villaraxxx and he strode into the room and swiftly opened the chest. 'Never doubted you for a moment!. Oh look...GOLD!'. he said reaching into the chest and pulling out a handful. Goretex gave a sigh that said 'dont mind us, we only killed the guards for you!'. 'Hey guys theres another room further along...look' exclaimed Cyglax opening it carefully. It was empty save for a chest, Cyglax wasted no time pulling it open. He found a bottle inside. 'Bloody ell boss its a potion of speed!, im the fastest fimir in the world!.

The party continued along the eastward corridor until they came to a corner. Cyglax poked his head around and saw a Dwarf guard at his post. 'theres a guard' he whispered to the group. 'What?' said Villaraxxx. 'I said theres a guard' Cyglax tried again in a slightly louder voice. 'Speak up boggy i cant bloody hear you back here' Villaraxxx replied. Cyglax rolled his eye. 'Dont roll your bloody eye at me lizard breath'. 'I SAID THERESOHSHITHESCOMING', shouted the hulking Fimir as he bolted back round the corner. 'WHOS BLOODY COMING' shouted Villaraxxx as Cyglax ducked an hammer blow.

Cyglax cursed and berried his blade into the dwarfs gut. 'THIS BLOODY GUARD'. Villaraxxx strode round the corner. 'Oh that guard, why did'nt you say?' he said as he stepped over the body, smirking. The group continued on..........

                                                           .......in conga formation!

Soon the party came upon another door. Snivles opened it slowly.

It was a study of some kind containing a large bookcase....and a Wizard with his guard!. Snivles loosed his sling at the Guard only to see the stone bounce off his targets armour. He then ducked round the door frame and wildly signaled to the others. Villaraxxx entered the room...'YOU!' he bellowed at the Wizard. The Guard began to advance but the hulking frame of  Goretex walked casually between the Guard and Villaraxxx. With one blow the Chaos warrior felled the hapless guardsman!. Villaraxxx wasted no time and flung a fireball at the wizard!.

 'Turn over my pot plants will ya?, wreck my bloody kitchen?, kill my goldfish?, GET HIM LADS!'.

The rest of the party piled on!

None of the party manage to wound the wizard who proves just how sneeky he is by calling up a vail of mist spell......and running away!.

'COME GET ME YOU LOOSERS!' he shouted back as he ran!. 'Where'd he go' coughed Cyglax. 'Dont worry lads, i'll get him, i've just the thing' said Villaraxx with cold determination as he stalked through the door. 'OI KNOB HEAD, EAT THIS!'

,'FIRE OF WRATH BITCH!'

And with that the enemy wizard was engulfed in flames to die an agonizing death!. 'Anyone bring any marshmallows?' asked Cyglax as he and the rest of the party came out to see what all the commotion was about. With much patting on the back and high fiving the party continued on....Except Goretex who checks out a book on the wizards bookcase. Wedged in the pages is a scrap of paper containing the instructions for calling a Genie!. 

As the party go on they arrive at the next door the next few rooms become a blur as enemies come from everywhere to fall at the parties blades but none of the remaining 'heros' are found.....wait a mo....this calls for......A PICTURE MONTAGE!.

 Villaraxxx finds a potion of strength!

It was all going swimmingly until the party opened the next door!

Villaraxxx swaggers to the next door and flings it open only to get a hammer in the head!, Staggering backwards sees the toughest looking Dwarf longbeard he has ever seen in the door way!. 'COME ON THEN YOU EVIL BASTARDS, COME GET A TASTE O' ME 'AMMER!'. Cyglax charges at the dwarf screaming 'THERES AN H IN HAMMER YOU BLOODY OIK!'. His blow glances off the dwarfs plate but the dwarf has more luck, staggering the Fimir with a solid blow to the gut!, Cyglax tries to counter with a blow of his own but the dwarf steps back and avoids it. He raised his gigantig warhammer and swings. Cyglax looks up just to see the hammer coming down, Snivles screams, Goretex covers his eye holes as the hammer connects!. Cyglax slumps lifelessly to the flagstones, a pool of thick black blood trickles from his head.

'NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!'

'

Will the party get their revenge?, can they get past the bloody Longbeard?, will they find the dwarf, Barbarian and Elf?, can they survive the horrors of donepillagin?. Find out the answers to all these questions and more next time................

                                   TO BE CONTINUED........ 

Soloquest: Thieving BA*&$RDS!!!!!!

Ah Heroquest, its like slipping on a well worn in leather jacket, it fits just right and brings back memories of adventures of years gone by. I do love the big box of gateway goodness, its the beckoning hand that reeled me in (after Mr Livingstone and Mr Jackson had cast the fly) to a life of little plastic men at the tender age of.....well that would be telling!.
I mean look at it!!.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY_YRatOInA

I have already posted my homebrew solo play rules (here) and my hero creation rules (here) but since then i havent gone so far as to get the game down off the shelf!, i know shame on bloody me!. All thats about to change!.

You see i was at work today pulling the now customary 12 hour shift in the midst of a mini heatwave (so much humidity, my undies were damper than the amazon in the wet season!) and i had an idea that must have only been caused by a combination of dehydration, fatigue and boredom!. Wronghammer is missing a Soloquest game report, but this one is with a twist!.......

  'BASTARDS!, BASTARDS!, ROBBING BLOODY CHAV BASTARDSSSS!!!!!!!!' raged the dark lord Villaraxxx the many x'ed, lord of almost total darkness, destroyer of worlds, upender of reason, learned student of the black arts as he kicked the strewn and broken debris around his study. 'TOTAL,TOTAL BLOODY THIEVING BUNCH OF DONKEYS BOLLOCKS, MASSIVE LOAD OF PILFERING DUCK SHITES!!!!' he screamed as he grabbed the burned pages of his archaic spell book and flung it against the wall, scattering its torn pages in a storm of loose paper. He looked up as the door flew open and a cowering green shape slithered into the room. 'WHERE THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU GO YOU USELESS BAG OF TOTAL STEAMING WEASEL SPLUFF' screamed Villaraxxx at the sniveling figure '.......pppplease master, i dont do no 'arm, i got the rest o 'lord o darkieness i went and gots them to 'elp you calm all down an that'. As he spoke a massive green brown reptillian creature with one large eye in the center of his snouted head walked gingerly into the room. 'Come on now boss, whats all this then?' the creature said in measured tones, holding its arms out towards the angry wizard. 'WHATS ALL THIS HE ASKS?, WHATS ALL BLOODY THIS!!!?. I WILL TELL YOU WHAT IT FLIPPING WELL IS, THESE BASTARDS BROKE INTO MY COSY STRONGHOLD, MURDERED MY HENCHMEN, SMASHED UP THE PLACE, STOLE ALL MY GOLD AND KNICKED MY BLOODY MAGIC STAFF!!!!'. 'Oh i see, we've had adventurers in again, why did'ent you say so!'. 'ADVENTURERS!, THIEVING BACKSTABBING MURDERING THIEVES MORE LIKE!, WHAT DID I DO TO THEM?, THATS WHAT I WANT TO KNOW, WHY ME?, I WAS GETTING READY TO RETIRE, THAT STAFF WAS GOING ON EVIL BAY, IT WAS WORTH BLOODY GOOD GOLD, IT WAS GOING TO BUY ME A MANSION IN THE DARK LANDS, LIFE WAS GOING TO BE WALL TO WALL WITCH ELVES AND ODDLY SMOKING COCKTAILS WITH TINY UMBRELLAS AND LITTLE PLASTIC MONKEYS ON THE RIM, BUT NOOOOOOO SOME BLOODY CHAV ARSE HEADS HAD TO BREAK IN AND STEAL IT.....BASTARRRRRDDDDDSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!. Villarax picked up a golden candle stick and flung it at the open door. It was answered with a muffled MMMMHHHHMMM!!!. as a massive figure clad head to toe in grey plate including a huge horned helm that seemed to muffle his speech strode into the chaos of the room. 'Oh sorry goretex i did not know you were there'. The metal clad giant shrugged and made a noise that carried a hint of 'no bother'. The reptillian creature tried again. 'Now come on now boss calm down, getting mad and throwing things wont get the staff back, lets have a nasty cup of weed tea and talk this through, get it off your chest. my sherl used to say a nasty cup o' weeds makes the world seem foggier'. 'Cyglax, when will you learn that a cup of nettles in tepid swamp water will not fix these things?, i need to get the staff but i cant can i?'. The metal man raised his head and said something that gave an impression of 'why not?'. 'Because Goretex, they are the good guys, they are supposed to be what passes for heros', we have to sit here and put up with these invasions while they kill and maim and steal all they like!.......hang on a mo, when i was getting humiliated by these thugs where were you and froggy chops over there?' he inquired pointing at Cylax. Cylax jumped to his feet and quickly answered ' Its not our fault boss, we were stuck in the torture chamber, we cant open doors. Its in the rules remember?, We had to wait for Snivels to come get us'. 'Yes i know all about the rules, 1 body point, black shields, cant even open the doors for ourselves, yes im very familiar with the rules.' Villaraxxx slumped down onto his semi smashed chair, shoulders sagging in defeat. Silence filled the room for what felt like an age, the occupants dejected in defeat. Suddenly Villaraxxx looked up, a strange look on his face. 'Hang on' he said to the room at large, 'what if we refused to follow the rules, what if we decided we were the heros, i mean, we have been wronged, they broke in here and murdered our work mates, they came in here uninvited and stole anything that they could lay their hands on. What if we broke into their stronghold and went after them?. I SAY BUGGER THE RULES, MAYBE ITS OUR TURN FOR ONCE, He stood up tall and smothed his tattered robes proudly.' MEN WI..' Cyglax gave a small cough ...'fine, AND FIMER ARE YO...' Snivles coughed.....' REALLY, I NEED TO SAY IT. BLOODY HELL, AND GOBLINS' he glanced sideways at the little green creature 'happy?' he asked it with a hint of menace. The goblin met his eyes before looking away and nodding. 'Where was i.....right, yes.....'ARE YOU WITH ME?'. The three gave a rousing cheer (or a muffled sound a bit like one), they grabbed their weapons and went out into the fading dawn, Four heros on a quest to recover that which had been stolen from them, four heros willing to face danger, face hardships and to face their destiny!. 

Mentally Terraformish, Rats over Lowbridge (AAR)

'Anyway, i think i may get this game played tonight (if i can prep and base enough militia minis in time!) so i may turn this one around quite quickly (which will be a change!)'. Thus ended my last post over two weeks ago.....what a tit!!. So why the wait?, well i have just returned from two lovely stress free weeks with the family Sprinks in Spain, and i have stayed as off line as poss during this time. I did play this game before going but it has had to wait until now to write this up. Sorry!. You can read the first part of this post here.

   The outlaws camp was cramped, muddy, smelled of rotten veg and this noontime was alive with the sounds of fiddlers fiddling, outlaws singing, drunks burping and wenches....er......wenching!. Big Ronnel lurched over to the lone figure clad in a hodge podge of rat pelts and rags on the edge of the crowd, The man was stooped, feeding morsels of food to a gaggle of massive rats crowding around his dirty feet. Ronnel stopped to laugh at a bawdy jape and pat mouldy dave on the back before facing the rat man . 'So young Stephan you were no jokin' yous can deliver on your word, me an the boys thought yous was just full o' shite but turns out you really can get people to do what you says. we's all been talkin', he held out his massive hand in friendship 'put her there, if yous wants it yous can be one of us', he grabbed Stephans hand before it was offered and turned to face the rest of his men 'AY BOYS, WHAT DO YE SAY, HES ONE O US NOW, ONE O THE BLACK WOOD BOYS EH!, YOU AN YOUR RATS!'. The rest of the outlaws raised their flagons and dropped their strumpets and gave a rousing manly cheer. Ronnel pumped Stephans hand rather too enthusiastically, almost dislocating his arm with a massive smile on his massive face. 'Who'd a thunk it, me an the lads ave been tryin' for months to raid the tax wagon out of the bridge country and youz just walk up an ask those solders to give it to us!'. Some of the men raised sacks of stolen gold and gave another hearty cheer.  He put a brotherly arm around Stephans shoulder and turned him towards the men. 'I have to kno' how do you do it?'. Stephan stepped away to remove Ronnels arm, causing Ronnel to stagger a few paces, the ale making him unsteady. 'First thing my man, its The majestic Stephan, I,ll have you know i dident spend the last three years honing my talents to be just called stephan. And i dont want to join your grubby little band i am going to lead it!'. Ronnel looked confused for a moment before he began to protest. Stephan cut him off before he could say anything. 'You are the first of my underlings, soon i will form an army of obedient followers and i will storm the lords keep and take the area for my own before enslaving the local townsfolk and then marching against the crown itself!!'. Ronnel looked confused, then angry then a little more angry before his features finally twisted into a toothy smile. He laid his huge hand onto Stephans shoulder and let out a massive belly laugh!. His men relaxed and also joined in the laughter. 'Oh youz really ad me goin there pal, i thought you was for real for a mo....'the Majestic Stephan'....what is you like man...'. While Ronnel roared with laughter Stephens face grew dark. He looked at his biggest black rat and clicked his fingers, the rat bared his yellow teeth and jumped at Ronnels neck, a spurt of crimson sprung from the big mans wind pipe and he fell back with a dull thud. The rat leaped deftly to the floor and washed the blood from its nose. For a moment the camp went silent, then as one the outlaws drew their blades and notched their bows. The majestic Stephan raised his gnarled staff and waved his hand before the camp. 'You will drop your weapons' he said slowly, not blinking. As one the outlaws dropped their weapons and stood, confusion on each face. 'You are now my loyal followers you will do as i bid and will obey me totally. As one the camp repeated the words vacantly, all except one brigand who shouted 'YOUZ CAN BUGGER OFF MATE!!' and charged towards Stephan with his club raised. Stephan sighed, theres always one that dosent take, children if you would be so kind' he turned and walked away as the rats pounced...... Above the gnashing and screams came the sound of horns and galloping hooves. 'Damn, we've been discovered, men to arms, defend the camp!', without blinking the men collected their arms and rushed to meet the attackers......

 So another game and the first in the setting i am beginning to put together. I thought a small game would be best as time has been in short supply. To this end i gave Dragon Rampant another spin and once again it was alot of fun!. I played a pitched battle but decided that if any side lost their leader they would loose the game. The forces i chose are as follows:

THE DEFENDERS OF LOWBRIDGE

Clockwise from the front: Militia missiles ( light missiles), Militia foot (light foot), Border guard (heavy riders with missile upgrade), Lord of lowbridge and sons (elite riders), The lord is the forces leader. The minis are a mix of Mini art, Streletes, hat and A Call to arms.

THE BLACKWOOD BOYS (UNDER NEW LEADERSHIP)

 Rear from left: Bow armed brigands (light missiles), Outlaw foot (light foot). Center: The Majestic Stephan (light foot, wizardling: Almighty prod!, Befuddle thee!, Bog Thee!), and in the front: Giant rats (lesser warbeasts). The minis are airfix, red box and games workshop.

As ever the miniatures are on coloured bases, the Militia forces are on Red with white trim and the outlaws are on Black with Green trim.

The game takes place on the edge of  darkwoods eastern side, at noon.

The local forces rush to attack the outlaws head on, From the left are the horse, border guard and The lord and his boys, the Militia foot in the middle and the missiles on the flank.

The outlaws rush out to meet the attackers, on their left the bowmen stand guard the rats and the Majestic Stephan skulk behind the rocks.

The foot face the Militia on the other flank.

The outlaws take the chance to get forward and close the distance, they all advance against the foe. The militia also advance and the missiles pepper the outlaws with shot killing one of them.

The horse also gallop forward to face the foe, the border guard eager to hunt down the wizard and bring him to royal justice!. Stephan orders his rats to shield him.

The outlaw foot charge forward but cant quite reach the militia and the Bows seem confused for a moment, the glamour of Stephans spell weakening, or may be it was the ale!. The militia take the chance to unleash a flurry of missiles on the outlaws battering them, Captain Turner then gave the order to 'pay attention for smith sake and CHARGE!!!

 Even the militia are too much for the demoralized outlaws and they turn and flee!, Captain Turner  tries to reform his men while they seem intent on jeering, swearing and mooning the fleeing opponents!.
In the center the Majestic Stephan fixes the border guard with a stare and raises his staff, the border guard suddenly seemed to go blank and stop dead on the spot!.

                                         'Come get me you one eyed horse shagger!!'
The bowmen fire on the Lord and his boys wounding young Delpher twice, seizing his chance Stephan guides his rats against the Border Guard!

 The rats push the border guard back, killing two of them and sewing confusion among them!, in reply the Lord and sons charge the furry buggers!

'CHARGE THE FURRY BUGGERS!' (see told you!)

The rats are driven off by the horse and suddenly their leader dosent feel so majestic exposed against the combined Horse!.

Oh bollocks!!!!

Mean while Captain Turner has an idea, a cunning idea of truly amazing  cunning idearness. 'follow me men, lets sneak round and get 'em from behind. And no stupid jokes about taking them from behind or suchlike!'

While the lordly horse get peeved by the sharp sticks of the bowmen pinging off their armour and sweep them from the field!.

The majestic one decided to form a new plan. 'Right men, fall back and protect me.....men.....men.....'

Theres bleak and then theres this!, The Majestic Stephan considers his major decisions in his life and how the bloody hell hes going to get out of this one, i called the game at this point as he was the only member of his force left and the whole enemy force was bearing down on him!.

Well calling that one sided is like saying Salad fingers* is a touch dark!. However it was a fun game to play and i enjoyed watching the outlaws fall apart!.

Well all thats left this time out is to ask the question on every bodies lips, Is Duc de Goblin a sufferer of masochistic episodes?. I ask this because he has become the latest person to follow these silly writings of mine!. You are very welcome sir, glad to have you along!. I cant tell if you are a blogger or not, if you are please put a link in the comments as we would love to see what you get up to when you are not following this twattery!.

Anyway....till next time!

*

see!